Page 4 of Bear
“I know you’re mad about the product. Something must have been off with the shipment. Hawk doesn’t mess up like that.” I couldn’t see Hawk’s face because my back was to him but I prayed I was helping and not hurting.
“Hawk, if you open your mouth or move wrong this bullet is going in your head,” Dad said while he looked at me. “I’m going to ask Bear a question because he’s the only fucking son I have that doesn’t lie all the goddamn time.”
I knew if I could answer the question correctly, I could save Hawk’s life. I didn’t want to look over my shoulder at him so I stared into my father’s cold eyes.
“Did you see Joelle take anything from the warehouse today, Bear?” His tone was even and calm but it always was. He yelled at us for petty stuff but for the most part, Dad’s voice was monotone. Hawk seemed to set him off the most.
“No. She walked out without touching anything.” I was lying my ass off. I knew in my gut she stole something but I didn’tseeit happen. Technically, my answer was true. Dad didn’t ask me for my opinion. He only wanted to know what I saw and I didn’t see her walk out with anything.
Behind me, I heard Hawk make a single noise. I didn’t know what the short hiss of air meant but it made me sick to my stomach. Dad lifted his eyes to Hawk and shook his head.
“Never thought I’d have to kill my own son for not being loyal.” Dad didn’t say another word. His silver-barreled gun spoke for him. He lifted his hand a few inches and fired. The sound rendered me deaf momentarily. Not so deaf that I couldn’t hear Hawk’s body fall to the ground, lifeless.
My throat closed up and I spun around to find a horrible picture. Hawk flat on his back with a hole in his head. Chunks of brain and splinters of skull splattered all over the wall and floor in a sea of blood. My stomach capsized.
I heard my heart beating in my ears along with a high-pitched whine and thoughts that had no home. Everything was scattered in my brain. I turned back to look at Dad and I didn’t see one ounce of remorse on his face.
He was as cold-blooded as everyone said.
He was a monster.
A bad guy.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, Bear. Actually,” He paused and wiped his gun down with a handkerchief from his pocket. “I’m not sorry you had to see that shit. You needed to see it. I know you probably feel some kind of way having to see your brother get killed and by me no less, but I can’t tolerate liars and motherfuckers willing to take anybody’s side over ours. It’s us or death. Hawk never learned that.”
“You ain’t have to kill him though, Dad!” I knelt down beside Hawk’s body and touched his shoulder. I didn’t want to touch his face because it was deformed and gruesome due to the bullet that tore through his head.
“If I didn’t do it now, I would have had to do it later down the line. He would have cost me more money and time. He was too devoted to that junkie bitch, Joelle. He told me he hadn’t seen her since they broke up. Your answer to my question confirmed that it was a goddamn lie. If he can’t come clean to me about something like that he needs to be dead. I’ll take care of the junkie later.”
“He wasyour son.” I hated how calm my voice sounded. It didn’t let on to the shaking inside or the fast-paced thump of my heart. My voice was just like Dad’s.
“He was my son and he forgot I was his father. He forgot where his loyalty was. You need to look at his fucking body and remember this shit when you think some bitch is more important than your family and the family business.” Without a single tear shed, he walked over to the cabinet where he kept liquor and cigars, grabbed a thick brown cigar and lit it. The smell of the smoke made me want to vomit.
I looked down at my palms to see them covered in Hawk’s still warm blood. “Tell Luanne to come down here. I gotta get this shit cleaned up and start making arrangements for the funeral.” Dad blew out a plume of smoke and looked at me through the haze. “Oh, and Bear…don’t tell Wolf what happened. Tell him it was an accident. He won’t understand. He’s too young.” He waved me off with a flick of his hand and I stumbled out of the study with my brother’s blood on my hands in more ways than one.
Mrs. Luanne took one look at me when I got upstairs and tears filled her eyes. “Dad needs you. Hawk is…” I blinked a few times and she nodded, rushing past me quickly. Wolf’s eyes grew wider the longer he looked at me, taking in my appearance.
“Where’s Hawk?” His voice was small.
“He uh…” I looked at Cecily, who seemed unfazed by it all then I looked at my little brother. “Go to your room for a minute, Wolf. I need time to think. I’ll come get you later.” For once, he didn’t question me. He did what I asked him to do. He ran out of the guest room so fast he became a streak in the air.
I turned my stare to the quiet six-year-old. “You heard that loud sound?”
“It was a gunshot. I heard it. Everything okay?” She quizzed.
“Nah. It’s not.” I stared at my hands and willed them to shake or something. I wanted to react like a normal person. I knew since I didn’t cry or scream it meant I wouldn’t sleep for days.
“I’m sorry, Bear.” Cecily’s eyes were so kind. I stared at them and felt my chest relax. She was honest. It was another trait Dad applauded. He said you could tell honest people by looking in their eyes. Cecily had honest, kind eyes.
After witnessing the cruelty unfold in the study, I was convinced that everyone was evil or stupid. Hawk was stupid for trying to protect Joelle. Dad was evil for killing him behind it. Even Mrs. Luanne had evil in her for helping Dad clean up my brother’s body.
Cecily was kind though. I felt it. I didn’t have a category for kind people in my head. You were either stupid or evil. That was it. She was in a league of her own.
“Here, play with me. That way you won’t be sad anymore, Bear the giant.” She smiled a little and I watched her dimples. I nodded and sat with her on the bed. She handed me a white teacup and sat her dolls up on pillows. My blood-stained hands left red fingerprints on the pristine toy cup.
“You’re not afraid of me? I have blood all over my hands. There was a gunshot right downstairs. How do you know I didn’t kill someone?” I had to hear her answer.
Cecily shrugged and blinked at me. “You’re a good guy, Bear. I know it. Have some tea.” She grinned and I knew she was the purest thing in the entire world.
