Page 36 of Bear
“When the fuck did you get here?” I asked, holding my hands out for the toddling one-year-old.
“Just now. Luanne let me in and said you two were up here. Did I interrupt something?” His dark eyes swung from me to Cecily. I noticed the way she honed in on Sarah and it made my chest fill with warmth. She still loved kids even though she was terrified after what happened to Kaiden.
“Hi, Titan.” Cecily grinned at him and I realized that in my mind she belonged to me and nobody else. I wanted all of her dimpled smiles. I wanted all of her laughter. I wanted all ofher.
“Hello, darling. This little one right here is Sarah Olivia. You wanna hold her? She’s the sweetest kid in the world. She won’t fuss.”
“Oh, no. I couldn’t.” She shook her head but kept her eyes trained on Sarah’s adorable face.
“I was driving around with my partner in crime and decided to stop by. I wanted to say what’s up.” Shadow smirked at me and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Cecily, can you take Sarah so I can talk to Bear in private?”
“You sure? I don’t think…”
“Cecily, it’s fine,” I said quietly. I handed Sarah to her and she timidly took hold. She couldn’t resist burying her nose in the top of Sarah’s curly hair.
“Oh my god, she’s beautiful,” she sighed.
“That’s all from her mama.”
“I see you in there too Titan.”
“Nope. He’s right. That’s all Ivy,” I chimed in.
“We all can’t be suave like you, man,” Shadow joked.
“I’ll be right down the hall if she gets fussy,” Cecily told Shadow. I knew she was nervous to be around someone else’s child again but she had to start somewhere. When she left the room, Shadow looked at me and laughed.
“You ready to admit it yet?” He asked me.
“Admit what? That you don’t have home training because you like to show up unannounced?” I quipped, pulling out my cigar case.
“Nah. You ready to admit that you’re in love with that girl?” His words threatened to render me speechless. The allegedly empty space in my chest liked the way it all sounded though. I wanted to shoot that fucking empty space.
“It’s not like that. Maybe I’m feeling something but it’s not love. I don’t know what it is.”
“So…there’ssomething?” Shadow asked, relaxing in his seat.
“Something. I just know when she showed up here and her light wasn’t as bright as it normally is…it rattled me, Shadow. It made something in my chest twist and turn.”
“You mean your fuckingheart, asshole? Seeing her upset broke yourheart.” I cocked my head to the side for a few seconds while I regarded Shadow. What the hell were these new words he was using? Surely they were foreign.
“No.”
“Yes,” he sighed and steepled his hands over his nose and mouth. “Bear, you’re in love, man. It’s a beautiful thing. How long have you known Cecily?”
“Forever. Since she was six and I was twelve. That doesn’t equate to love though.”
“It doesn’t in every case but in this one it fucking does. I’ve only been around y’all twice and I see the way you two look at each other. It’s sickening, honestly. Especially since you like to brood over the city like Batman and shit.”
“I’d like to think I’m more like Joker.”
“Whatever the fuck. You love her. Stop fighting it. I know admitting something this huge is tough but if you don’t you’re going to push her away.”
“I don’t want to push her away but I don’t do love, Shadow. That’s not something I was exposed to or taught about. I don’t have time to focus on love. I have businesses to run.” Since I loathed excuses, I could pick up on them from a mile away. Excuses were pouring out of my mouth. I was bullshitting. Shadow knew it too. He looked at me incredulously and I groaned.
“Fuck!” I snipped the tip of the cigar off and flicked the lighter violently in my hand.
“Yeah, you hear yourself, right?”
