Page 24 of Bear
“When you’re grieving, you’re always up at strange hours torturing yourself with painful memories. Call her later.”
“Okay. I will,” she nodded. I went around the room, straightening up my weights and putting everything back where it belonged. I hated when something was out of place. Especially in there. I felt Cecily’s eyes on me I slowed a bit.
“What’s up? You’re looking at me.”
“You seem to know grief well,” she said quietly.
“I guess.”
“Did you grieve for Wolf? You barely talked about him after he died.” Hearing my brother’s name made my spine stiff.
“Wolf was stupid. He shouldn’t have chased after that fucking kid.”
“Okay…but did you grieve over him?”
“In my own way, I’m sure. Why are we talking about this, Cecily?”
“Because, I noticed between yesterday and today, how much time you’ve spent in this little gym when you have a much bigger one downstairs. Now I realize why.”
I unzipped my hoodie and let out a chuckle. She was trying to pick me apart and analyze my pieces. She was the only person I allowed close enough to do shit like that but I still wanted it to stop.
“Cut it out. You know digging around will only leave you disappointed.”
“He was your brother. I know it hurt to have him taken.”
“I told him not to chase after that kid,” I said, shaking my head. “He didn’t listen. He was so goddamn determined to kill whoever was fucking up our money because he knew Dad wouldn’t have stood for it.” The mention of my father soured the words in my mouth. “He got killed trying to please our father…and for what? I can’t really mourn that kind of stupidity,” I scoffed. I sat beside Cecily on the weight bench and she stood up.
“Bear, what has you so upset right now? You still haven’t told me.”
“I talked to my father,” I admitted. Something about her soft voice and genuine concern extracted the truth from me without much of a fight.
“Oh, shit.” She put her hands on my shoulders and started to rub them, kneading the knots of tension. “Is he okay?”
“He’s fine. I told him I changed the location of the big shipment we’re getting tomorrow and he flipped out. I know what I’m doing though, Cecily. A shipment that huge is bound to catch the eye of cops and undercovers. If they’re tracking this shit then changing up the location and keeping it so that only those in our closest inner circle know is the smartest thing to do. It’ll narrow down the pool of potential snakes.
Besides, wouldn’t you think the cops were watching our usual delivery spots?” I shut my eyes and absorbed the feeling of her hands on my shoulders.
“It makes sense to me but let me guess, Mr. Griffon chewed you out.”
“He told me I was a puppet. For some reason, I keep forgetting that. This shit isn’t mine. This operation isn’t mine. Hell, even this house isn’t mine. Without being Griffon Stone’s son what the fuck is my identity?”
I had no idea why I was laying everything out in the open but it wouldn’t stop rushing out of me. Clearly, being around Cecily lowered my guard. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. If she was rubbing off on me then it also meant I was rubbing off on her.
I knew it was true when I saw the glimmer in her brown eyes when she asked to go with me to the lumberyard earlier. I welcomed her rubbing off on me because she was good. She cared deeply and she helped people whenever she could.
I was the opposite.
I was steeped in blackness and bad decisions. I was murder and drugs. I was smoke and fire. I would burn her angel wings to nubs and ground the feathers into ash. She couldn’t get too close to me.
“Bear, you exist outside of your father.” Cecily’s voice made everything snap back into position and I was transported from the bowels of hell back to earth where her dainty hands were moving up to my stiff neck and working their velvety soft magic.
“I’m glad you think so,” I said. Cecily stopped working the frustration from my muscles and walked in front of me. Seeing her face painted with sadness made that feeling stir in my chest.
“It’s not just a matter of what I think.” She sat on my lap, straddling me so that my eyes had nowhere else to go but to hers. There was nothing outside of her. All I could see was her beautiful face.
She rested her hands on my cheeks and said, “You are your own person. I wish you could see that. You’re so much more than the darkness you keep subscribing to.”
Were those tears in her eyes?
