Page 18 of Bear
“Thank you, Nick. Fuck up again and you’ll be out of a job. Got it?”
“Yes, sir.” He nodded and gripped the arms of the leather chair in his shaky grasp. “Am I free to go?” He quizzed.
“Go.” Bear flicked his hand and waited until Nick was out of the office before he looked at me. “We’re going to the butcher shop after this.”
“Why? I don’t want to see whatever the helllogsare.”
“You know what logs are, Cecily. Don’t act squeamish. We’re doing the whole power play thing, right?” I knew he was toying with me and I still couldn’t pull away. I refused to disengage because I was stubborn as a damn mule.
“Fuck you, Bear.”
“I’m trying to show you that regardless of this little tantrum you’re throwing to prove you don’t have to listen to me and that you’re grown, you’re still a good person. You’re the best kind of person no matter how tough you act.”
“Yeah, I’m glad you think so,” I muttered, toying with the ends of my hair. If I was such a good person, why the hell did a kid die on my watch? Logic told me there was nothing I could do about what happened to Kaiden but my mind refused to let go of the possibilities. My mind was cruel and tortured me with dark, self-deprecating thoughts that left me in a pile of scraps.
The back and forth inside my heart was exhausting. Bear was the only thing taking my mind off of it though and I appreciated his annoying ass for it.
“You’re every pinpoint of light in the universe, Cecily. Now get your dick-drawing ass up so we can go to the butcher.”
“Ugh, you make me sick,” I groaned and pushed to my feet.
“Yeah, yeah. Oh, and stop being so fucking flirty. You suck at it.” He brushed past me and I balled my fists up and hurled a punch at his back.
Fuck, he was hard as steel. Those workouts were paying off tremendously. My hand splayed across his back without my permission and it stopped him in his tracks. I’d never seen anything halt him that way. Bear moved fluidly like every atom should part to let him through.
“You’ve been working out…a lot.” My voice was small but it held so much weight I thought the butterflies in my stomach would turn to cement and drop to my shoes.
“I’ve been telling you for a while now that sleep has been evading me, Cecily. That means lots of fucking, reading, and working out.” His long legs pushed him forward again and I curled my fingers against my palm trying to savor the feeling of Bear’s chiseled back on my hand.
I knew what my mind was doing and I had every intention of stopping it. My mind wanted something else to chew on besides Kaiden’s death and Bear was perfect. He was familiar and safe. He wasn’t hard to look at either so my mind was conjuring up my old crush and throwing it in my face. I didn’t really want Bear like that. I just wanted to stop mourning for a moment. I wanted to stop drowning in guilt.
“Thank you, Kevin. We’re heading out to the butcher shop. Are you on call for overtime tonight?” Bear stopped at the front desk and looked at Kevin with amazing eye contact. It was easy to see why Bear left everyone trying to catch their breath once he left.
Most people think they’re direct until they have to interact with someone who actually is. Bear never dropped glances. He never minced words. He never handled anyone with kid gloves. When someone like that, with eyes like fire glass, stared you down, you understood what it meant to be in the presence of intense energy.
“Yes, sir. I’ll be there.”
“Good. I’ll see you then.” Bear tapped the desk twice before turning to walk out. I waved at Kevin and he offered me a polite smile. When I caught up to Bear, he was already holding the door open for me. “Oh, and Cecily, don’t ever let me catch you trying to open the door for yourself while you’re around me. Understand?” He tapped my chin and made me look him in the eyes. With the sun shining down on us like a ball of fire, it made Bear look otherworldly like something straight from a mythology book.
His deep brown skin glowed in harmony with his copper eyes. He had me snared momentarily but I remembered that he was still the same asshole that handed me crayons and fucking coloring pages.
Ugh.
I rolled my eyes and grunted out a response that must have pleased him because he opened the car door for me and I slid inside. I was looking forward to the sound of jazz filling up the space but Bear didn’t turn the music on.
“How did you sleep last night?” He asked, pulling away from the lumberyard.
“I tossed and turned. Kept thinking about Kaiden.” I stared out the window at New Orleans zipping by in a blur of bright colors and beautiful people. God, I missed being home. I didn’t realize how much Louisiana was in my blood until I left and came back.
“I wish you trusted me enough to tell me about that when it happened,” Bear’s deep voice pulled me back inside the Monte Carlo.
“I didn’t want you to jump in and try to save me. I didn’t deserve that. I needed to tough it out and feel that pain.”
“You’re beating yourself up unnecessarily.”
“Let me have my moment, Bear.”
“Okay. You’re allowed a moment. Everyone is. Don’t let this shit fester though.” He turned the jazz on and I settled into the seat, letting it hug me while I relished the fact that he wasn’t trying to pick me apart.
