Page 13 of Bear
“Bear, you know when you touch me like that I’ll agree to anything. It’s not fair.” She poked out her impossibly full lips and I removed my gaze from them. They were too shiny to focus on. I looked at the coffee maker instead.
“I know,” I smirked and spoke against her ear.
“What’s the deal?” She quizzed.
“If I promise to stop calling women bitches, will you tell me what is fucking with your energy like this?” I moved my hands from her shoulders and she sighed.
“Will you stop calling them bitches for good or just while I’m around? I’ve learned to ask specific questions when dealing with you.”
“Good girl, Cecily,” I chuckled and made my way over to the coffee maker. I fixed us both big mugs. I made Cecily’s with hazelnut creamer and sugar the way she loved it. I kept mine black and strong.
“I hate when you say good girl like I’m a fucking dog, Bear.”
“It’s me telling you that you’ve been paying attention. So you’ve done well.” I slid the piping hot mug of coffee over to her and our fingers brushed against each other. She smiled a little and dipped her nose into the steam pouring off the mug.
“If you tell me what’s bothering you, I ‘ll stop calling women bitches for good,” I assured her. I’d keep my promise too. I always did.
“Okay,” Cecily pulled in a deep breath and I watched her hands begin to shake even though they were wrapped around the mug. My brows fell low on my forehead and my jaw flexed involuntarily. I hated seeing someone like Cecily so tortured.
“You remember the little boy I told you I watched. Kaiden?” Even saying his name made her come undone in a puddle of tears at the island.
“I remember. One of the clients you and Kareema took care of. His mom was a nurse, right?” Cecily nodded her head and allowed her dark hair to curtain her face.
“I was watching him one night and…they don’t live in the best neighborhood and there was gunfire outside.” She squeezed her eyes shut like she wanted to will the memory out of her head. “A bullet hit him in the neck, Bear. He bled to death after the paramedics got there. I had to call his mother and tell her that Kaiden got shot. I had to tell her that he was dead even though the emergency workers couldn’t call it officially. Only a doctor could do that. Kaiden had to get taken to the hospital his mother works at to be pronounced dead. It was horrific.” She finally looked up at me and I couldn’t do anything but hug her.
I hugged her as tight as I could.
“Fuck. I’m sorry you had to go through that, Cecily. Does Kaiden’s mom need anything?”
“I don’t know. I’m sure she does because after something like that happens people always need help but…” I nodded my head and smoothed back her soft hair.
“I’ll see what I can do for her.” I groaned heavily and sat beside her. I took a long sip of coffee then continued, “You should have told me as soon as that happened. I would have done everything in my power to help and you know it.”
“I know, Bear and that’s why I didn’t say anything. It happened on my watch. It’s my fucking fault Kaiden is dead.” Tears choked her words.
“It’s not your fault, Cecily. You didn’t tell those motherfuckers to shoot him. You didn’t put him in harm’s way. He was supposed to be safe in his own apartment in his own bed. You did nothing wrong, okay?”
“Then why do I feel so low? I feel like the evilest person on the face of the earth. Kaiden was only five. His life hadn’t even gotten started yet.” She wiped her eyes and rolled her lips between her teeth.
“Because you have such a good heart, Cecily. You shouldn’t ever doubt that.” I reached over and held her hand in mine. She sighed as I let my thumb skim the back of her hand and it seemed to calm her aching soul.
“After that I’m doubting a lot, Bear. I don’t even know if I should continue to pursue my degree. I don’t know if I should drop the idea of a facility with Kareema.” I hated hearing so much confusion in her voice.
“Don’t think about too much right now. I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Me too,” she said squeezing my hand. Seeing her so broken up made me do some deep thinking. The kitchen fell to scraps of silence. Cecily sipped her coffee and I looked at her innocent face. It was the same as when she was six and looked like a baby doll.
I couldn’t let her think she was a bad person. Not when she was the sole bright light in my world. I did my best to keep her away from the gritty side of things because she was too good to see half the shit I was into but if she thought she was a bad person then she needed to see what a bad personreallylooked like.
My stare snapped to her when I felt her soft touch on my hands. She was running her fingers gently over my gold rings. “What do these mean?” She asked. “I’ve always wanted to know. You were the only kid I knew who wore a gold ring. Now you have like three more. I always thought they made you look like a king.” I smiled a little and brought her knuckles to my lips.
“Because I am a fucking king, baby doll. King of the underworld.” I pointed to the ring on my pinky finger and said, “This was on Hawk when he got killed. I took it before they embalmed him.” I pointed to another ring on my middle finger. It was gold with a black W in the middle. “This was Wolf’s I got it off him when they called me to identify his body.” The last one I pointed to was gold with a red stone in the middle. “This one is gold and jasper. I took it off a motherfucker who got killed for lying his way into my circle last year. I didn’t kill him, my boy Shadow did. I offered the ring to him but he wanted no parts of the man who killed his mother so I took it.”
“You literally have the rings of dead men on your fingers,” her voice was a whisper.
“Scared?” I lifted an eyebrow at her over the rim of my mug. Cecily tipped her chin up and shook her head like she did right after I came to her bloody from Hawk’s murder.
“No. I know you’re a good guy.” Her words were as true now as they were then and I didn’t understand it.
