Page 12 of Bear
“Because you look like a fucking baby doll.” His eyes burned brightly as he stared at me.
“Youlook like a giant,” I responded.
“Still doesn’t answer my question. Are you still a virgin?” I hated how he let me think I was wiggling away from his question when in reality, he was playing cat and mouse with me. I tossed my hands in the air out of frustration and grumbled.
“Yes! I’m the only twenty-one year old in the fucking world who’s not getting dicked down. Happy?” I hated lying to him. Telling him I was a virgin was the only lie I’d ever told Bear though. He’d never actually find out anyway. I stormed over to the weight bench and sat down in a phony huff.
Was I seeing things or was Bear’s mean ass smiling at me?
“Good girl, Cecily. Now see? It wasn’t that hard was it?” He tossed his towel at me and went to the treadmill. He moved around the room like there was a specific order he had to work out in. Knowing Bear, that was exactly the case.
“Whatever Bear. I’m going to bed. Like a normal person.” I stuck my tongue out at him and he flipped me off before sprinting effortlessly on the treadmill.
I lingered at the door a little while longer because I wanted to ask him to stop working out and sit in the room with me until I fell asleep. I didn’t know what kind of nightmares awaited me when I closed my eyes. I saw the look on Bear’s face though. He was in the zone and I didn’t want to disturb him.
I went to the guest room and fell to my knees with a prayer on my lips and in my heart. It wouldn’t come out of my mouth because of all the tears but God knew.
He always knew what I meant and what I needed. So I fell asleep clinging to threads of gratitude that I was where I needed to be.
BEAR
“Bye, Bear.” I barely acknowledged the woman walking through my foyer on her way out of the house. After Cecily left me in the gym alone last night, my veins seemed to pump with adrenaline and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it. I knew I was probably riled up after seeing her out of school and knowing something was bothering her.
So, after I got back from my midnight run, I called the first girl I stumbled upon in my contacts and invited her over. I needed to stop that shit though. Fucking women didn’t do anything but momentarily give me a feeling of relief.
I was desperately chasing sleep but it kept evading me. Even after I put whatever her name was to sleep like a baby, I stayed up. I let her sleep in my room while I went into the library and read while I listened to Miles Davis until the sun came up.
“Bear, I said goodbye.”
I jerked my eyes to hers and tried to recall her name. Nothing surfaced.
“Can I at least get a goodbye hug?” She pouted. I gave her one of those quick church hugs with one arm and a pat on the back then I opened the double doors and let her go.
“I gotta stop fucking these bitches,” I muttered out loud to myself.
“You do.” Cecily’s voice caught me by surprise. I looked over my shoulder and laughed a little.
“Well, good morning, sunshine.” I shut the door behind the nameless, faceless woman who slept in my bed and walked over to Cecily.
“You also need to stop calling women bitches. We talked about that, Bear,” she warned, wagging her finger at me. I caught her slender wrist in my hand and nipped at her pointer finger making her laugh.
“I told you to stop pointing at me.”
“Don’t poke the bear,” we both said in unison. I smiled a little then put my arm around her shoulders while we walked into the kitchen.
“I’ll make a deal with you but only if you actually entertain it,” I said. She sat on a stool at the island and swung her feet back and forth in contemplation. I took the time to study her face.
Her smooth skin looked like golden cinnamon and her dimples were still deep as ever. I wished I could make her smile more because I missed seeing them. When she was little, I used to grab her jaw just to rest my thumb and pointer finger inside her pothole dimples.
Her long dark hair was straightened instead of being in its usual curly state so it hung down her back in a wave of feathery ebony. Her perfectly arched eyebrows and long thick lashes framed a pair of gorgeous cognac-colored orbs that I found myself trying to map out. I was always trying to pick Cecily apart. Even right then in the kitchen, I tried to see what made her so pure and kind.
I walked around behind her and rubbed her shoulders. She held a lot of tension there. I needed to know what sent her running back to New Orleans when she was free from the dark clutches of home.
Cecily’s eyes fell shut as I worked the knots of tension from her neck and shoulders. Her skin was silk beneath my calloused fingers. She took soft, slow breaths that made my chest stir.
Sometimes, when Cecily did things it made something in my chest rattle to life. I shot it dead every fucking time. I never was able to pinpoint what that incessant feeling was gnawing away beneath the passages of my ribs but I knew it made me uncomfortable.
It was probably her goodness burning into my black heart.
