Page 113 of Bear
“Damn, time flew.” I walked over and gave her a hug and she handed me the keys to my car.
“Let’s go.”
“Damn, I hated him too but what’s the rush?” I chuckled opening the front door for her.
“I just want to do this,” she said, drawing in a shaky breath. When we got in the car, I put on Miles Davis and pulled off. Something was bothering and it made me uneasy. I wanted to know what had her so on edge.
“You okay?” I asked, lowering my brows. “You seem sad.”
“I am sad, baby.” She wiped away a lone tear and stared out of the window. She refused to elaborate until we were at the lumberyard and Dad’s frozen body was being fed into the sawmill. I obliged her because I knew she’d tell me what was on her mind in her own time. She was like me in the sense that she didn’t like being pushed.
So we stood side by side at the lumberyard watching the saws slice through Dad’s freezer burned body in silence. With the saws going it was too loud to hear her even if she did say something.
I studied her face though.
I watched her shed a few tears and shut her eyes to utter a prayer. I didn’t utter a prayer for him.
Fuck him.
When I cut off the mill, Lane walked over and looked down at the red mess the saws made of Dad. “Wanna tell me why the hell you’re so torn up about this dead motherfucker?” I couldn’t hold in my curiosity anymore.
She looked up at me with wet eyes and shook her head. “I’m not torn up over your father. I’m glad he’s gone.”
“Then what is it?” I asked. “I don’t like seeing you upset.”
“Bear, I’m pregnant. The only man I’ve been with in months was Griffon at the party. I knew when I found out that this was his last jab at me. He’s gone and dead but I’m carrying his child…again.” I couldn’t have heard her right. I leaned in a little closer hoping she’d repeat herself. When she didn’t, I knew what she said was real.
“I’m too damn old to be pregnant. I didn’t even think I could get pregnant anymore. Here I am though. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you before I started showing too much more.”
“How far along are you?” I asked. My heart pounded in my ears listening to her.
“Five months. I never showed much when I was pregnant with you. I guess that’s just how I carry. They think I’m having a boy.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I could have been helping you. Why did you hold something like that inside?” I wanted to be pissed at her but I couldn’t be. Not right then. She needed me to understand. Besides, I wasn’t entitled to know anything she didn’t want me to know.
I calmed my budding anger and waited for her answer.
“I don’t know. I could never figure out how to say it. I just go to my appointments and since I’m of an advanced age, I’m considered high-risk.”
“Damn…I wish you would have told me. I really do.”
“I’m telling you now. I’m telling you because I don’t know what to do.”
“About what? You know I’ll help you with the baby,” I told her.
“How do I raise this baby knowing his father is dead and what a piece of shit he was? How do I tell him why he was born?” Her voice wobbled a bit then she finally cried. I wrapped her in my arms and let out a string of curse words.
She was right. That was Dad’s last fucking jab at her.
“We’ll figure that out later, Ma. Right now I want to make sure you have this baby safely. I want to make sure you’re not stressed. I can’t have anything happening to my little brother.”
“You’re not mad?” She asked, looking at me.
“Mad? Nah. I hopeyou’renot mad because he can feel that.” I pointed to her stomach and she let out a choked cry.
“I’m scared he’ll turn out like Griffon.” Her bottom lip wobbled.
“He won’t. He has me for a big brother. I turned out like Dad so he won’t have to. Dad kept you from raising me. He kept me from getting all the love you had to offer. He’s not here to do that now. You’re getting a second chance.”
