Page 10 of Bear
“Don’t go get those bags.”
“I wasn’t going to.” I shrugged. “I thought about it but decided against it.”
“See, you always tell me the truth. That’s one of the reasons I love you.” He paused long enough to touch my chin then he went back to making the bed. When he was done, he brought in my bags and carried them to the guestroom before getting started on dinner.
At first, I was kind of mad at my father for pulling up at Bear’s house without telling me but once I got settled in and remembered how good it felt to be around my family, I was glad he stopped there. I was even happier that I’d be staying in the guestroom like I used to do when I was a kid.
After dinner was done, Bear purposefully stood in the foyer, blocking Mom from trying to clean up. After the five-minute stand-off between them, she finally agreed to go home with Dad. I hugged my parents and watched as they got in Dad’s car and drove off.
Fatigue set in on me fast and I knew I’d be no type of company for Bear. I followed him into the kitchen and sat at the island while he loaded the dishwasher. “You know Mom would have been perfectly fine staying to clean this kitchen up. I still to this day don’t understand how cleaning is her passion.” I laughed a little and traced the intricate swirls in the marble countertop.
“Everyone has different passions. Luanne’s is nurturing. Yours is teaching. Mine is…” His words fell off into a void.
“Your passion is your family, Bear,” I said with a soft smile. He looked over his shoulder at me and nodded. It was a nod that said he didn’t want to fight my statement.
“We all have shit with us that nobody else understands.” He closed the door to the dishwasher and looked at me. “Wanna tell me why you’re here, Cecily?” I shook my head vehemently and stood to my feet.
“I’m gonna take a shower, Bear. Then I’m going to go to bed. I’m exhausted.”
“Must be nice. I’ll be up if you need me. I’m heading out around midnight though.”
“Midnight?” I quizzed, resting my hands on my hips. “Bear, you don’t need to be out at midnight.”
“Midnight is when all the evil shit comes out to play. It’s exactly when I need to be out.” He wiped down the counters and stove then swept the floor. I was supposed to be getting in the shower but it had been so long since I’d seen Bear that I couldn’t stop staring.
“Aren’t you supposed to be going upstairs to take a shower?” He asked after the kitchen was clean.
“I am…” I smirked a little. I don’t think I could keep the smile off my face if I tried. Being around Bear was the best medicine for my grieving heart.
I took myself upstairs and climbed in the shower with tired bones. My head was throbbing and my chest ached every time I pictured Kaiden in that little white casket. Even though Mrs. Foster told me repeatedly that it wasn’t my fault, guilt still swallowed me whole.
My mind replayed the night I offered to watch Kaiden for Mrs. Foster. I started a childcare program, along with my best friend, Kareema. It catered to mothers who worked night shifts. We would go to their houses, watch their kids, help with homework, make dinner and put the kids to bed. For some of my loyal clients, I’d prepare meals for the week. The program was new but it was our baby.
I wanted to open up a facility with Kareema once I graduated from Texas A&M with a degree in childhood education and she graduated with her degree in childhood psychology. It was my single passion and dream to help children early in life so that they’d have a good foundation to grow on.
I went to Mrs. Foster’s apartment as usual and gave Kaiden a bath and a bedtime snack. I knelt with him on the floor and we said prayers, then I tucked him in and sang him the lullaby he loved so much. Everything was supposed to be fine after that.
There wasn’t supposed to be gunfire outside Kaiden’s window. The bullet damn sure wasn’t supposed to lodge itself in his neck either.
I knew what the popping sounds were the moment I heard them. I scrambled up from the couch and raced into Kaiden’s room. His name rolled off my lips frantically. When he didn’t answer, my stomach sank into an awful doom-filled place.
Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness of his room, I saw his body shaking violently. His throat was slick with deep crimson. I called an ambulance immediately. I called Mrs. Foster directly after that.
I did everything right.
Kaiden still didn’t make it.
He was pronounced dead at the scene.
I’d never heard a more gut-wrenching cry than the one of a mother losing her child. It’s something that will forever haunt me until I take my last breath.
Nothing anyone said convinced me that Kaiden’s death wasn’t my fault. I came up with a dozen things I could have done differently. I could have sat up with him in the living room watching TV but I insisted that he go to bed at his normal time. I could have laid with him until he went to sleep so that maybe it was me that got shot instead of him. I could have done something.
Anything.
By the time I shut the shower off, I couldn’t tell my own tears from the water. I climbed out of the tub, shaking and feeling like a horrible person. I wanted to help kids, not be responsible for their deaths. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if early childhood education was my dream anymore.
I went into the guestroom and dug through my clothes until I found a t-shirt and a pair of leggings. Once I was dressed, I mindlessly padded down the hallway looking for Bear. I found him in what used to be Wolf’s bedroom.
