Page 9 of Defect
EZRA
Principal Dorsey’s office was stale and too small. Everything in there smelled like Cheez-Its and there were too many piles of paper lying around for us to be in an age where everything is on the fucking computer. I turned my nose up as I listened to my mother speak to him.
Being back home after losing Everett was torture. I never knew how many memories were carved into those walls and rooms. I never knew how many times I’d see him instead of me when I looked in the mirror. I never knew I could stay up for three days straight without passing the hell out somewhere. I just didn’t want to sleep.
Every time I slept I saw him.
Every time I slept, I saw myself.
I hated both images. I only hated seeing Ev because I knew I could never talk to him again. I hated seeing myself because I looked like him and I was alive because of a cruel twist of fate.
So when Mom told me it was time to go back to school, I was actually looking forward to it. I’d get out of that damn house. I didn’t anticipate all the staring, whispering, and snickering though.
Whatever, it was still better than being watched like a hawk all day and being driven everywhere painstakingly slow. I’d gladly escape all the talks about how much my brain had changed and how I was a brand new person. I hated it.
I didn’t feel different except for the constant thrum of anger pulsing through me. I remembered everything even when I wished I didn’t. The only thing that escaped me was the crash and everything surrounding it. Mom still treated me like I was the spawn of Satan though.
“Principal Dorsey, Ezra is different now. He’s not the same child as before. He has difficulty controlling his temper. He’s still learning to work through his outbursts. I brought over the papers from the hospital that explain everything.” She handed him a folder thick as my pointer and middle fingers together.
He glanced at me, adjusted his glasses then looked at the files my mother gave him. “Ezra, I know this is so hard for you,” he sighed heavily. I opened my mouth to speak but my mother jumped in for me. Since I left the hospital she barely let me speak to people on my own. It was like she was afraid I’d blow up on them.
I wouldn’t.
I only reserved that for her because I was still bitter over her burying Everett without letting me say goodbye. I was angry with her over a lot of things so she didn’t get to see the nicest side of me. I was tightly wound barbwire and I’d take chunks of flesh out of her if she got too close. She knew that.
“It’s very hard for him. He doesn’t sleep much anymore and he’s so quiet.”
Because you keep speaking for me.
“It’s like he’s a zombie sometimes. I wonder if he can hear me or if he’s tuning me out. Honestly, I was wondering if you could put Ezra in special classes.” Principal Dorsey looked up at her then at me.
“No. I’m not going to special classes.” Maybe my brain was broken but that didn’t mean I needed to be in class with kids who actually needed special attention. I just needed to get the fuck away from my mother. There was a huge difference.
“We’ll see how Ezra does in his normal classes and if we notice a disruption then we’ll start him on an IEP plan and transition into special education.” He turned to me and smiled a tight-lipped smile. I was sick of seeing that same smile everywhere I looked. Like people knew I was broken and they didn’t want to stain their hands dealing with me.
“You think you’ll be okay with normal classes starting out?”
“I’ll be fine. I’d be even better if you and everyone else would stop acting like I’m a goddamn time bomb.” My mother shot the principal an apologetic look before scolding me.
“Ezra, you need to watch your outbursts. Remember to breathe when you want to use curse words.”
“Is he currently seeing a therapist to work through his anger and cope with his outbursts?” I felt like knocking shit over. I wanted to scatter every pile of paper on his desk and watch it float through the air like feathers.
I wasn’t mentally challenged.
I was angry.
“You can talk to me. I’m right here,” I said in a gravelly voice.
“I’m sorry, Ezra. Well, are you seeing a therapist?”
“No, he’s not,” Mom answered with a nervous chuckle. She rubbed the back of my hand and I jerked away from her. When I stood to my feet, my frame swallowed the empty space in the office.
“I’m leaving,” I announced. I stood in the hallway instead of sitting in there listening and not being able to respond.
Classes were changing from homeroom to second period. Everyone seemed to stop and stare when they saw me. It was like they saw a ghost. I didn’t blame them for the reaction since most of them didn’t know I existed unless I was standing beside Everett.
Antonio Morris walked past me and slowed in his stroll when he locked eyes with me. He used to be Ev’s best friend but he never liked me. Everett didn’t listen when I told him that his boy loathed me with a passion. Usually, Antonio was cool when Ev was around. It was when we bumped into each other in the hall that he had a chip on his fucking shoulder.
