Page 71 of Defect
“Thanks.” I turned around, ready to leave, then I paused and stalked back over to him, leaving Solo a few feet behind me. “And if you ever disrespect her or call me defect again, I will bust your fucking head wide open.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond because I knew it would end in a fight. I wanted to get the fuck out of there. I had to clear my mind. There were too many dueling thoughts running around.
“Wanna put on some music?” Solana asked once we pulled out of the parking lot.
“Yeah. Put on something. I need to zone out for a minute. No offense. I don’t feel like talking right now.”
“None taken. We don’t have to fill every second with words, Ezra.” I didn’t think it was possible for her to touch my heart any more but she proved me wrong all the time. She scrolled through her phone and settled on something after a few minutes.
When Kendrick Lamar started thumping through her speakers, rattling the door panels in her tin can with way too much bass, I looked at her like she was a stranger. “Solana, what the fuck are you doing listening to rap? I thought you were going to put on some kind of Buddhist chant music or something,” I laughed. Even in the most fucked up situations, she managed to make me laugh. She was like Everett in that way.
A pang of sadness hit my heart like a sour note on a piano.
She smiled at me and shrugged. “I like rap. The vibrations from the bass help cleanse my energy.” She put the window down and let her hand ride the waves of wind while I drove. She was full of the best surprises. I needed something good and pure in my life and right then it was listening to Solana rap along with every curse word, not missing a single beat. I felt my brother’s spirit in the air right then. You couldn’t pay me to believe he wasn’t smiling.
…
When we got back to Radcliff, we drove to Sun Goddess instead of Solo’s house. “You sure you feel like working right now, Ezra?”
“I need to do something to get my mind off this shit, so why not?” I shrugged.
“Because you’re bottling everything up. You were hit with a lot of heavy shit today and you need to let it out.” Worry knitted her arched brows together.
“I don’t know how to let it out, Solo. Let me work through it.”
“Okay, but working through it sounds a lot like pushing it out of your mind. That’s not how you need to deal with this.”
“Let me work on this the way I want to! I don’t need you telling me how to deal with it. If I want to bottle it up for right now then let me do that, okay?” My skin turned hot and needles prickled every surface of me. Solana drew her head back in shock then nodded slowly with narrowed eyes.
She didn’t say another word to me. She got out of the car, slammed the door and went inside the studio. I watched her from the car for a few minutes. She looked at the computer then went into the back. When she emerged, she’d changed into a pair of leggings and her hair was pulled up on top of her head in a bun.
She was about to go teach yoga at the college.
When I got out of the car and went inside, the energy in the studio felt icy and uninviting. I’d never felt that come from Sun Goddess. If anything it was always warm and welcoming. I got the feeling that I’d royally fucked up by yelling at Solana like that.
She moved past me surrounded by a cloud of ice and walked out of the front door without uttering a word to me. She got in her car, started the engine, and backed out of the parking space bumping loud rap music as she drove off.
I fucked up.
Majorly.
…
SOLANA
If Ezra wanted space, I was going to give it to him. He never hurt my feelings before when he snapped at me but the way he blew up on me in the car was different. I knew he was avoiding dealing with everything that was thrown at him between Doctor Chin and finding out his mother possibly paid for him to be jumped. I knew he didn’t want to talk about it right away but I couldn’t let him stew in it. I didn’t expect to be yelled at though.
I left him at the studio and I went to teach my classes for the afternoon. I thought about him the entire time I taught my classes. It made for stiff movements that weren’t flexible or fluid and meditation that wasn’t genuine because my mind was overrun with Ezra.
When I was done with classes, I went straight to Amaris’ house. I needed to vent. I needed to vent in a safe space to someone who would hear me. I still had the keys to her house because she told me that no matter what was going on, I was always welcome to crash at her place. She was a good big sister like that.
I walked in, washed the few plates she left in the sink then took a shower. I stole one of her shirts and a pair of her shorts for when I got out. They were cute and blue and still had the tag on them.
“Solana, where are you?” Amaris called when she walked through the door. My yellow bug in the driveway was a dead giveaway that I was there.
“In the den,” I called out with a sigh. I was showered and clean but my spirit was still dull.
“What’s wrong? You sound sad,” she frowned. She dropped her bags and sat beside me on the couch. I handed her the glass of wine I’d already poured for her and she took it gladly. “Well, if you pour me wine when you come over then I don’t mind your breaking in and…” She looked me up and down and her frown deepened. “Wearing my clothes.”
“I forgot my duffle bag. I usually carry another set of clothes.”
