Page 11 of Defect
“Well, this isn’t before,” I muttered.
“Clearly. You’re unhinged and you don’t need to be around people if this is how you’re going to act.”
“You know what, Ma? Why am I not in therapy? If you think I’m such a fucking threat I should be sitting on someone’s couch.”
“You don’t need a therapist. You need to come to church with me. There’s nothing that we can’t pray you through.”
“Oh yeah? You let me know how your prayers work.”
“Ezra, you’re tap dancing on blasphemy and I will not have that.”
“What are you going to do, exactly? Are you going to beat God into me instead of getting me help? When did you become so devout?” I never remembered my mother being steeped in religion but she’d been glued to her bible ever since I came out of the coma. It was annoying as fuck, to be honest.
“When I lost my sons!”
“Oh, so…I’m dead? Good to know,” I nodded and stood to my feet. Energy was tingling and buzzing through my body and the only way to distribute it was to move around. Every time I stood up, my mother drew her shoulders in and tucked her chin close to her chest.
“I didn’t say that, Ezra.”
“You did! You said sons. I heard what the fuck you said, Ma! If I’m dead to you, say it. Stop pretending like you want to help me and take care of me.”
“I do! Just calm down. Now isn’t the time or the place. We need to speak to the police and…”
“And? Fuck the police.”
“Ezra, please!” She hissed. Her brown eyes narrowed to slits. Frustration poured off her like buckets of sweat. I couldn’t force myself to care. She didn’t care when she buried Ev without me. She didn’t care when she spoke about me like I was an invalid. My respect for her was waning and my love for her was tied up in some weird limbo that I didn’t understand. Every time I tried to map out my feelings for my mother, everything got tangled and it pissed me off.
I guess that was my stupid fucking brain not being able to sort things out.
“Mr. Fredericks, come with us,” the deep voice at the doorway of Principal Dorsey’s office made my head jerk to the left.
“Officer, is he going to jail? He’s not mentally stable. I have his files from the hospital and…”
“Ma’am, he needs to come with us. You need to stay where you are.” I looked between my mother and the officer and went along with him quietly. A flicker of the old me wanted my mother to help me out of the fucked up situation I’d gotten myself into but the new me didn’t care. The new me was happy that someone told my mother to stay in her place. I could handle my own consequences as long as I was in control.
The cop cuffed me with my hands behind my back before we left the office. He wanted to read me my rights privately before he took me out amongst the huge crowd that spread in the hallways. As much as the teachers tried to control the kids gawking and snapping pictures, they couldn’t. Their best bet was to let it happen and reprimand for it later.
“Defect!” One of Antonio’s friends called as I was escorted down the hall and out of the building. They were safe since I was cuffed and flanked by two officers. Even still the men escorting me only reached my shoulders. I could see well above their heads and I locked eyes with all three of the Antonio’s groupies.
“Fucking defect!” Someone else shouted. The words sprouted like fast-growing vines moving from person to person until it became an unruly chant. A roar that the adults couldn’t settle. I felt the hatred and fear from everyone. They were all scared and curious as to what I’d do next. Hell, so was I.
The cops rushed me outside and helped me in the back of a squad car where I could finally hear my own thoughts. I searched my mind over and over for remorse toward Antonio but I didn’t find any. He was a piece of shit. I apologized to Everett in my head but that was about it.
…
I was booked and processed then put in a holding cell. You know who showed up five minutes after I got settled in? My fucking mother. She came waving her doctor’s notes and spewing her explanations about how fucked up I was in the head but it fell on deaf ears. From what I’d been told, I wasn’t moving from my cell until Antonio’s parents decided if they wanted to press charges or not.
I stayed locked in that holding cell for six hours and the scariest part wasn’t being locked up. It was that I didn’t want to go back home. Being in jail was easier than being cooped up with my mother all goddamn day.
“Fredericks, you’re getting released. The family has requested to speak to you first though.”
“Just me or me and my mom?” I quizzed as I bent my head down to exit the cell.
“Just you. You are aware that you’re a grown man. You’re eighteen, son.” The officer looked at me like I was crazy but he didn’t have Nicole Fredericks as a mother.
“I know,” I nodded.
“You’re taller than that goddamn cell door and you’re worried about your mother?” He laughed at me and shook his head. Like I said, he didn’t have to deal with her ass. I might have been twice her size but she knew how to wear me down with her incessant and annoying nagging.
