Page 82 of Defect
“How else are you going to learn? You can’t just be eye candy, Ezra. Chop up some damn cauliflower. You wanted to bag a vegan. Now she got you scraping your head on the ceiling and chopping up vegetables.” I let out a laugh and Amaris laughed too. She was cool with me even though she made me nervous. Maybe that’s what big sisters were for.
Once we had the casserole in the oven, we sat on the couch together and watched Netflix. “Hey, how is everything with your mother, if you don’t mind me asking? Solana was telling me a little bit of what happened.”
“She told you everything. I know she did. You’re the only other person she has to talk to.” Amaris nodded and pulled her feet under her body. “I called her on her bullshit today. It was fucked up.”
“I bet. You know none of that is your fault, right? Munchausen by proxy is a really deep and twisted disorder. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. It’s abuse.” I looked at her and leaned over a little closer.
“What did you call it?”
“Munchausen syndrome. It’s when a patient makes up a false illness to gain medical attention. They hurt themselves and go to the hospital to get diagnosed. Sometimes they nearly poison themselves. Other times they concoct phony symptoms. When someone has it by proxy they make up an illness for someone under their care. A child, a spouse, whatever the case is, they create a false illness or exaggerate an existing illness to wield control and gain attention. They can physically hurt the people they’re manipulating or they can psychologically damage them” I looked at Amaris with wide eyes full of disbelief.
“There’s a name for that shit? I thought she was just out of her goddamn mind.”
“She is. Don’t get it twisted. What she did to you has a name though. It’s not the worst case in the world but it’s still a horrible thing she did. You shouldn’t have had to go through that.” Amaris patted the back of my hand and sighed. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired, to be honest. I grabbed my clothes out of the house and Solana let me crash here.”
“Of course she did,” Amaris shook her head.
“I’m not trying to take advantage of her, Amaris.”
“I didn’t say you were.” She shifted positions on the couch and looked at me. “Can you explain something to me, Ezra?”
“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”
“How did you two fall so hard so fast?” She really wanted an answer to something I didn’t know how to verbalize. “Solana is very much her own person and she’s never cared what anyone else thought about what she did with her life so I get that. I know my sister. This is a little out there for even her though. I think you’re great, so please don’t think I’m being a bitch.”
“Nah, you’re good, Amaris,” I chuckled. “I don’t know how to answer that for you. It’s easy to say Solana is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s true but it’s easy. There’s something else between us. There’s this crazy energy that only we can feel. You can literally feel it spark between us.
She gets me. Nobody has been able to understand me besides Everett. Solana got me the first time we talked. She was able to get through to me. She was…like me. Damaged but alive.”
“Damn. That’s deep,” Amaris stared past me at a point only she could see. “Damaged but alive.”
“Solana is my sunflower. She’s a bright ray of sunshine. I can always count on her to make me laugh or smile even when I don’t want to. I thought I was always going to be a defect for the rest of my life. She pulled me out of that shit by being herself. It was like I didn’t have a choice but to fall in love with her. I still haven’t told her flat-out that I’m in love but…”
Amaris cut me off with a wave of her hand. “What? You haven’t told her you’re in love with her? Ezra. Come the hell on now.”
“I know. We were taking things one day at a time. She hasn’t said it either so I’m not leaving her hanging. She knows how I feel.”
“Don’t say that and don’t be a fuck boy. Tell her you love her. Life is too short. I’m serious.”
“You’re right.” I couldn’t deny that. I also couldn’t deny that she’d put some things on my mind. I saw why it was so easy for Solana to tell her sister everything. She was so real but she was also open to hearing and listening.
Amaris took the cheesy broccoli rice casserole out of the oven after a few more minutes and waved her hand over it. “See? You helped make this. She’ll love you forever now. Not that I think that’s a problem. I’ve never seen her this open.”
“Can I ask you something?” I said, my voice turning serious.
“Yeah, shoot.”
“How did she get involved with Vince?” Amaris rolled her eyes for a full ten seconds at the mention of Solana’s ex.
“They met at the gas station. Solana was busy being Solana. She was wearing a yellow sundress with her long hair blowing in the wind. Looking like melanin dipped in gold. She was putting gas in the bug and I was waiting on her to hurry the hell up. Vince saw her and it was game over.”
I knew the feeling. When I first saw Solana, I was awestruck.
“Did they ever have a good relationship? I know she said he didn’t turn abusive until he found out about Malachi but you know firsthand.”
“I never liked Vince. He was always too fucking controlling. He wanted to possess Solana. He wanted to keep her to himself. The way you and I are sitting here talking and hanging out? That would never happen with Vince. He hated me. He hated anyone that he thought took her away from him.”
