Page 36 of Defect
“Respect for what? You’ve treated me like shit ever since I woke up from the coma. You buried my brother without me. You talk to me like I’m stupid…like I’m a walking, talking, time bomb. You don’t listen to anything I say. You try to make me go to church. You won’t let me talk to a therapist and you keep me caged in the house all day long. Why would I respect anything about that?” My nostrils flared and my chest heaved. Mom drew her shoulders in and tried to shrink herself but she couldn’t shrink her attitude toward me.
“You’re not going to get coffee. I don’t know where you got money from but you’re not spending it. Are you stealing from people? Ezra, I swear if I find you you’ve been leaving this house…”
“Stealing? Do you even know me?” I scoffed and moved past her. I was going to get my fucking coffee.
“I haven’t known you ever since you hit your head. I don’t know you at all. You’re a monster!” She shouted after me. Her words launched into my chest, cracking my heart open. I didn’t think I could withstand anymore blows to my heart. I didn’t think my mother could fuck me up any more but that shit hurt. I couldn’t lie about it if I wanted to.
I slowed in my stride and tried to find words to hurl back at her but I couldn’t. The pain of my own mother thinking I was a monster paralyzed me.
She was like everyone else.
She thought I was a defect too.
She didn’t say it but the sharp and sour tone in her voice said it all.
My steps were uneven as I made my way to the front door. I snatched it open and sat on the porch, resting my forearms on my knees. I wasn’t in the mood for coffee anymore. Not one minute after I’d been sitting outside did the door across the street swing open. Solana moved across the pavement like she was floating on a cloud or something. I had to stare at the ground to make sure her feet actually touched it.
“Ezra, are you okay?” She asked quietly. She pressed a warm palm to the side of my face and tipped my head up so she could look in my eyes. “I heard shouting.”
“I got into it with my mother. She’s probably about to come out here. You should go before she chews you out too.”
“Ezra, I’m a grown woman. She can’t chew me out. I’m more concerned about you. Your energy feels all…”
“Fucked up?”
“For lack of better words. Yes.” She rubbed the top of my head and wiggled her way between my legs. She felt so fucking perfect right there. I slid my arms around her and we hugged. “Today is the day you finish cleaning out your old house right?”
“Yeah. I’m not looking forward to that shit.” Solana moved away from our embrace and I felt the fissures in my chest widen. I knew that if I could have one moment with her alone. One moment to put me back on my axis…I’d be okay.
“Please call me if you need to talk, Ezra. I worry about you.”
“I know you do. Don’t.” I stood to my feet and bent down to kiss the top of her head. She smelled like roses and sugar as usual.
The innocent peck on the top of her head must have set something off in her because she grabbed me in a hug like she’d never see me again. “Don’t let anyone bring down your energy. You’re too bright of a star for that, okay?” I stared into her almond-shaped eyes like they held answers to all the questions. I watched her full lips part and I ached to put my lips on top of hers. She must have sensed the moment becoming dense with desire because she took a step back and put her hand on her chest.
“Who are you?” Mom’s voice came from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw her staring at Solana. She looked like she was in awe. Solana had that effect on people. She damn sure had it on me.
“Hi, my name is Solana Monroe. I live across the street. I realized I never introduced myself. I saw your son sitting out here and he looked upset so I started talking to him.” She was so fucking sharp.
“My name is Nicole Fredericks. This is my son, Ezra.”
“Nice to meet you. I was asking if he played basketball. He’s so tall.”
“Oh no, Ezra can’t play sports. He has brain damage. That’s why we moved here to Radcliff. Inglewood was too much. I’m hoping to find some classes for him to take so he can get his GED. I don’t know if he can comprehend everything but it can’t hurt to try, right?” I looked at Solana after my mother’s dramatic rant and she opened her mouth then closed it without saying anything.
I wanted to tell her that this was the shit I was talking about. This was why I knew I couldn’t do certain things and that every broken piece of me was a result of that crash. It took Everett away from me but it also took me away. Or at least the me I used to know.
“Ezra, how old are you?” Solana asked.
“Eighteen. I’ll be nineteen in July.” I said it in hopes that Mom remembered how fucking old I was because she was treating me like a child.
“That’s perfect. I could use someone at my yoga studio if you think you’d be a good fit. It’s not a lot of pay but it’s something.” She was smiling and that smile could light up a summer day.
“I don’t know about Ezra having a job right now.”
“Oh? I was asking him. He’s eighteen, right?”
“He is but…”
