Page 3 of Defect
Shards of glass ripping through my skin.
My head thumping.
From that brief memory, I knew I was in the hospital. I knew me, Mom, and Everett were in a car crash. I knew I felt completely fucking empty and gutted. I tried to move my hand, curling my fingers inward slowly. At least it didn’t hurt to do that. I felt around my bed until I connected with something smooth the size of my palm. I brought it in front of my face and stared at it.
It was the remote. Right at the top was a red call button for the nurse. I jammed my thumb against it repeatedly until two nurses rushed in.
“You’re awake,” the first nurse said. “Call his mother.” She looked at the second nurse then approached my bedside. “Hi, can you tell me your name?” She smiled softly at me, her blue eyes flitting all over my face.
I opened my mouth even though it felt like my lips were crazy glued shut. “Ezra Fredericks.” My throat felt like sandpaper. I winced at the gravelly pain.
The nurse nodded and gave me another smile. “We were worried about you Mr. Fredericks. You were placed in a coma voluntarily after your car accident. We attempted to wake you up after a couple of days but you wouldn’t budge. We’ve tried mostly everything.” Her smile had a hint of sadness and it tore my chest apart. “Your mother will be glad to know you’re awake.”
“Miss Fredericks is on her way,” the second nurse said, walking back into the room. “Let’s take your vitals, Mr. Fredericks.”
“Ezra. My name is Ezra.” Anger bubbled up inside of me that I couldn’t control or explain. “Where’s my brother? My twin brother, Everett?” It still hurt to talk. My voice came out husky and dry.
“Oh my god. Ezra!” My mother’s voice snapped me out of the residual fog I was in. Her hands trembled as she came into view. She couldn’t hug me but I could see that she wanted to. The nurses had me surrounded, poking a thermometer in my mouth and taking my blood pressure. “I need to speak to him alone!” Mom shouted at the nurses and they got right the fuck out of her way.
“We’ll call the doctor to examine him,” The first nurse said. They hurried out of the room and closed the door behind themselves.
I still felt the anger pumping through me. I wanted answers and I didn’t like that I wasn’t getting them. The second I woke up I should have been getting answers.
“Baby,” Mom touched my cheek but I pulled away.
“What the fuck happened?” I asked her in a low tone. She blinked rapidly at me and shook her head.
“Ezra, you know better than talking to me like that. You know better than talking like that period. I know you…”
“Ma, I don’t care how you think I’m supposed to talk. Somebody needs to tell me what the fuck happened and where Everett is.” Saying his name made my heart ache.
“Ezra…baby…” her voice wobbled and I shook my head hoping it would block out what I knew she was about to say. A thin film of sweat beaded on my forehead. I felt like I was in the middle of a raging thunderstorm. Lightning flashed and thunder boomed in my mind.
“Where is he!” I shouted. My ribs burned and screamed in pain. I didn’t give a fuck.
“We buried him today. He didn’t make it, Ez. He died on impact in the accident. I…I wanted to be here when you woke up but.” Everything she said dissolved into waves of static punctuated by her tears and sobs.
Everett was dead.
She buried him without me.
My heart was bleeding.
I wanted to throw my fist through something but I was hooked up to all those stupid fucking beeping machines. Tubes and wires were everywhere.
Fuck that shit.
I tugged the IV out of my hand and swung my stiff legs around the side of the bed. “Take me to my brother. Now!” My voice exploded as I pushed to my feet.
I’d never seen my mother visibly shaken but right then was a different story. The storm inside of me was leeching out and I couldn’t stop it. I tried. I tried to bottle up the confusion and anger but it only made the feelings grow. What started as a seed of anger bloomed into a flowering tree of rage and contempt.
Mom’s eyes watered and tears clung to her lower lashes. “I can’t take you to him. I told you, we buried him today.” She spoke in a calm voice but it was a front. A mask in place of fear. She rolled her lips between her teeth to stop them from trembling.
“Who the fuck iswe? I’m the only person who should have been there when he was put into the ground! You buried him without me!” My fingers balled up and I fought the urge to smash something. Anything.
In all honesty, I wanted to put my hands on my mother. I knew it wasn’t her fault but I didn’t have any other outlet. My brain was steering me in wild directions on paths I’d never ventured to before.
What was wrong with me?
