Page 21 of Defect
“See? Yoga isn’t hard.”
“You just had me stand there. EvenIcan do that.”
“What do you meaneven you? You’re talking like you’re not able to do other things. I don’t tolerate low vibrational self-talk in my space, Ezra.” She wagged her finger at me and I thought about catching her wrist in my hand and slipping her finger into my mouth. I wanted to know if she tasted like rose sugar too.
“I don’t know what any of that means but okay.” I watched her eyes brighten as she circled me on the red yoga mat. She opened up like a flower in the sun. Even though she smelled like roses she’d definitely be a sunflower if she were planted in the soil.
“You know what it means,” she said stopping in front of me with a raised eyebrow. Her face was composed of delicate features that made her look exotic. Like she was too special and rare to be from this planet.
“I don’t. Takes a while for my brain to catch on to things.” I tapped my temple and Solana frowned at me.
“Ezra, what does low vibrational talk mean?” She waited for an answer like she expected the right words to tumble from my lips. She really didn’t know how fucked my head was.
“Negative talk?” I shrugged my shoulders not knowing if that’s what she wanted to hear. That’s what my brain wanted to say though. The words leaped out at her command like my mind craved her direction.
I wanted to follow her.
I’d follow her directly into the sun.
“Exactly. See? You know what I’m talking about. Give yourself a chance. Now like I said, I don’t tolerate low vibrational self-talk. You’re too bright of a light to dim yourself on purpose. The world will try to dim you anyway. Don’t contribute to your own sabotage.” Her hand brushed across my shoulders and I felt the air around us crackle. I could almost hear the electricity. I must not have been alone because she paused and looked at me curiously. “Did you…feel that?” She asked. Her slanted brandy-colored eyes were wide enough for me to fall in head first.
“Yeah. I thought I was losing it,” I chuckled. She paused when I smiled. She smiled too.
“The energy in here is…amazing.” She swallowed and the way her throat dipped sent my blood rushing through my veins like it was carbonated. My chest squeezed and I rubbed the space between my pectoral muscles hoping to loosen that spot.
“Um…yeah,” she stammered taking a step back. “Make sure when you speak about yourself that you only say good things.”
“What if I can’t find any good things to say?” I asked. The corners of her eyes crinkled slightly and her lips dropped a bit.
Sadness.
I hated seeing it on her. She was too happy to be sad.
“We’ll work on that.” She stood on her own yoga mat and looked at me. “Go into the mountain pose again, Ezra.” That was easy. I stood with my feet together, my shoulders back and my chin lifted slightly. Solana nodded her head and said, “Now breathe nice and deep. Feel it come from your core.” She walked over to me and pressed her palm to my stomach. Her hands felt warm like she had heat stored in her fingers. I felt it push into my core and suddenly I could breathe deeper.
My lungs expanded, pressing against my back. The storm always raging in my mind settled into a shower of rain. “Good. Perfect,” she said. Her soft voice was strong and confident. She made me feel like something as simple as breathing properly was an accomplishment.
“Shut your eyes and breathe with me like this. We’ll do a ten count, okay?” I was afraid to answer her because somehow Solana helped me feel calm. I held peace right at my center and I thought that if I opened my mouth, it would evaporate. I nodded my head and continued to breathe while the warmth from her hands poured into me.
I took ten deep breaths. Each one was more calming than the last. When we reached ten, she dropped her hand and the energy she was pushing into me left. My body ached from withdrawal already. My eyes popped open and I looked down at this tiny woman with this huge energy inside of her.
I gripped her wrist and laced my fingers between hers. I wanted to feel that energy again. Her gaze snapped to mine. I expected her to pull away and the thought of it made my mind fuzzy. She didn’t pull away though. She let me hold her hand. After a few seconds, her fingers bent gently, resting on my knuckles.
“I can feel something when you touch me,” I said. I knew I sounded stupid. I scolded myself for not having the right words at my disposal.
“You can feel that?” She grinned. I nodded my head and to my surprise, she held out her hand for my other hand. I gave it to her. I’d give her whatever she wanted.
While she stood there with her fingers laced between mine, she shut her eyes so I did the same. Like I said, I’d follow her anywhere. While our fingers were locked, heat stirred in her palms. It was warm though. Not like touching fire. More like touching a laptop after it had been running for a while.
“You’re so…sad,” she said pulling in a breath. My chest felt like it would explode when I heard her voice tremble. It was heavy with empathy. It was like she could hear my pain without me having to say a word. My own mother couldn’t hear me when I yelled it from the rooftops.
“How can you tell?” I asked her. My voice was so deep compared to hers. It was so rough and gravelly that I felt like I should be quiet in her presence and let her talk.
“I don’t know. I can feel it.” Her eyes were still closed but I couldn’t help stealing a peek at her. Her dark brows knitted together like she was reading me through the way our palms touched. She was in her element and she glowed with so much beauty it was hard to look directly at her. It was like staring at the sun.
Her eyes opened suddenly and we stared at each other.
“Ezra, can you stick around a little longer?” She asked. “I want to show you a few things.”
