Page 19 of Defect
…
EZRA
“I’m getting ready to go to work. I’m doing overtime tonight and the rest of this week but this weekend, we’re going to clean out Everett’s room at the old house. I have to have everything out of there by the end of the month, Ezra. You were supposed to clean the room out for me.”
I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes with my fist. It was still dark outside. It couldn’t have been after five o’clock in the morning. Why the hell did she have to walk into my room fussing? It took a moment for me to realize I was in my new room and not the room I’d grown up in.
The walls were plain and bare with only white paint covering them. The windows were tiny boxes that didn’t let in much light and the floor creaked everywhere I moved. If I felt like a prisoner at the old house then I definitely felt like one in this new place.
The only glimmer of sunshine in the entire moving experience had beenher. She was chocolate dipped in sunshine and gold. She put Sierra to shame.
Solana.
Her name sounded like music.
She stopped and spoke to me before she drove away in her tiny yellow Volkswagen. She spoke to me like I was a normal person. Like she didn’t see the defect in my brain. Maybe she didn’t see the stains of my brokenness.
I blinked a few times letting my eyes adjust to the darkness of my new room before sitting all the way up. “I’m not cleaning out Ev’s room alone,” I told my mother. I was too sleepy to function right then. I only fell asleep last night because my eyes wouldn’t stay open anymore wondering what Solana was doing inside the four walls of her house.
“Well, it needs to get done.” She sighed heavily and shook her head at me. “Stay in the house while I’m at work.”
“Yeah. Okay,” I muttered before lying back down. She should have known I wasn’t going to listen to her. Anything that had to do with keeping me caged up didn’t go over well. I said what I had to say so she’d leave me the fuck alone, then I went back to sleep.
I didn’t open my eyes again until the sun rose in the sky. I was busy tossing and turning anyway. Everett was heavy on my mind. I looked over at my closet and saw a hint of his lime green Nike bag poking out of one of the boxes.
I pushed to my feet and walked over to the closet. I tugged at the bag until it slid out. Specks of crimson dotted the nylon fabric. Something so tiny cracked my chest in half and the hot and angry tears started again.
Some days I was okay but most days I wasn’t. Most days I felt alone and guilty for being alive. “It should have been me,” I said quietly. My fingers curled around the black strap and I let out a choked sob. I only cried over Everett when I was all alone.
Mom never understood. She lived in her own world of grief and she never let me inside. I was locked out and alone. Sometimes I wondered if taking my life would be better than the hell I lived in. I wondered if it would be easier to give into the blackness urging me to join it.
To join Everett.
My thoughts were shattered when I heard a door slam. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was outside and not a door in my house. I walked over to the biggest window in my bedroom and looked outside to see Solana tossing a bright yellow and white duffle bag across her slender body. In one hand she had a travel mug and between her teeth, she had a stack of papers.
A laugh flew out of my mouth before I even realized what was happening. I jogged down the steps and opened the front door in time to watch her try to balance everything and open her car door. I headed across the street even though I hadn’t put on a shirt or shoes. I was wearing what I went to sleep in. A pair of black basketball shorts and a pair of socks.
“You need some help?” I asked, taking the travel mug from her hand.
“Thank you,” she muttered around the papers she had shoved between her teeth. She used her free hand to unlock her yellow car. Once she had the door open, she pulled the stack of papers from her mouth and set them on the passenger seat.
I kept staring at her because she was like a rush of air streaked with honey. Everything about her was sweet and happy. I found myself wishing she’d rub off on me. Nothing about me was remotely happy.
“Good morning, Ezra,” she smiled once she had her things in the car.
“Morning,” I nodded. I felt my eyebrows lowering on my forehead. My permanent scowl was making its way back on my face.
“So, you always walk around without a shirt?”
“Not all the time,” I chuckled and looked down at my shirtless torso. “I just woke up and heard you out here struggling.”
“Damn, do I make that much noise coming out of the house? I guess I never paid it any attention because I’m always in my own world.”
“Yeah. Kinda.” My eyes were unapologetic as they slid down her amazing body. She was wearing a pair of gray leggings and a white tank top with a stylized sun on it. The light colors made her cocoa skin pop. It was hypnotizing. I subconsciously stepped closer to her to see if she smelled like cocoa butter because she looked like she did.
“Thanks for helping me out. I can be all over the place sometimes.”
“No problem.” I took a step back before my stupid brain told me to do something I couldn’t recover from. I’d already made a fool of myself yesterday telling her how beautiful she was. I didn’t want a repeat.
