Page 72 of Honey Sugar
“Ivy Lynn…” I looked up when I heard Dr. Beaumont’s familiar voice. He poked his head in the room then walked in. “What happened, sweetheart?” His eyes were kind but the longer I stared into them the more I saw something else lurking. It sent a chill across my skin.
“Hi, Doctor Beaumont.”
“You can call me James. I think it’s fitting. In a couple of weeks, you’ll be a grown woman. We won’t be doctor and patient anymore will we?” He sat partially on my bed with one leg hanging off. I slid over a little and put more space between us.
“Did the hospital call you?” I asked.
“I’m your doctor. I prescribed you the pills. Of course they called me, Ivy Lynn.”
“I’m sorry. I was in a dark place, Doctor Beaumont. I don’t think I realized how dark it was.” I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him. He touched my face and it was wrong. I didn’t like the way his skin felt against mine. It was clinical and it put me on edge. I pushed his hand away then offered him a polite smile. I hoped he understood what I was trying to convey.
“I’m sorry you felt so alone.” I didn’t like his words or his voice or anything. It all felt far too tight and constricting. “You could have called me. I’ve watched you grow up all these years seeing how tortured you’ve been. I could have been your shoulder to lean on. Why didn’t you call me? I would have been there.”
“Because you’re my doctor and when I’m feeling depressed, you’re not the first person I think to call.” I frowned a little and folded my arms across my chest, angling my face away from him.
“So, who did you call?”
“Nobody,” I muttered.
“Exactly. I could have been there for you, sweetheart. God, you’re so beautiful. You know, every time I look into your eyes it hits me right here? Always has.” He tapped his chest and I cringed. I wondered if he could see it. I made no attempts to hide it.
“Doctor Beaumont, this is making me really uncomfortable. I don’t think you should look at me that way.”
“You don’t?” He chuckled and shook his head like there was something I didn’t understand. “Do you know how long I’ve known you and watched you grow? You’re finally grown. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this right now but I think given the circumstances…” He shrugged and reached out to touch my hair. I moved and cleared my throat, stiffening my spine.
“Doctor Beaumont…this isn’t okay with me.” I refused to apologize. The neglected kid inside of me wanted to apologize so bad the two words burned inside of my mouth. He was someone I looked at as an authority figure so knowing I was saying something that upset him made me feel awful. It made me feel wrong. I had to fight that part of myself though. I wasn’t that Ivy anymore. I was stronger. I damn near killed myself but I came out on the other side and I couldn’t go back to the Ivy who was too weak to withstand things.
“I think what you need is a little bit of time. I want you to heal from the overdose then come see me. I told you, I’ll still give you pills when you need them. It can be between us. Just don’t forget who helps you out when you need it.”
“I don’t want that and I don’t want anymore Xanax. You can consider our doctor-patient relationship over.”
He stood up and I could tell his ego was fragile and bruised from the way I gave him the cold shoulder. “Thank you for stopping by, Doctor Beaumont.” I nodded without a smile this time. My hands shook beneath the thin cotton blanket but I held it together until he left.
I did it.
Whateveritwas.
I stood up for myself without Titan shielding me. I didn’t yell or get physical but I stood my ground in a silent way that made me feel secure. I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the anxiety that built up when Doctor Beaumont was in my room.
It would take a lot more encounters with things and people that made me feel uncomfortable before I was as strong as I wanted to be. It would take a lot more not apologizing and learning the meaning of the word no too. I would get stronger though. I’d climb from under the umbrella of terror that I always lived under and I’d get strength in my legs and in my spine until I had a backbone and could stand on my own two feet.
…
When it was time to get discharged later in the day, the hospital bugged me for my father’s number. They wanted him to come to the hospital and sign papers on my behalf. Everyone knew who Beau Marchand was. They knew he was my dad but they didn’t know he was a piece of trash.
“I’m nineteen, I can sign,” Titan said.
“You’d have to be family or a guardian.” My lips burned to tell them he was family but I knew the looks I would get. They already knew him as my boyfriend. There were very few people around Sugar Bayou who remembered Titan from seven summers ago. He definitely didn’t look like the little boy that came around.
Now Titan was tall and dark with long silky black hair and eyes that penetrated even the toughest exterior. He was tattoos over lean strong muscles and a full beard that made him look wise beyond his years.
He was absolutely breathtaking.
He was my superhero.
Nobody knew who he was all those years ago and I didn’t want to bring it up. I liked that we existed as different people than we were back then.
“Okay…since you’re about to be eighteen, I’ll let you sign yourself out. It’s no big deal.” She unclipped a pen from her pocket and handed it to me. I scribbled my name on the line and for a brief moment, I wondered what Devereaux would look like beside my first name.
