Page 35 of Honey Sugar
“I don’t know. Can’t sleep,” I told him honestly. He hugged me from behind and I nearly melted into the wood floors.
“Come back to bed.” Once again, simplicity made me burn with desire.
“Okay. Let me check on Mama first.” Sometimes I felt guilty for being able to say things like that when those phrases would never be able to leave Titan’s mouth again. He dropped his arms from my body and followed me to Mama’s bedroom.
I pushed open the door just a crack. Enough to make out silhouettes in the dark. I stared at the bed for a long time. My eyes darted over to Daddy, snoring on his back with his arms sprawled out then they went back to the spot in bed where my mother should have been.
“She’s not there,” I said, turning to Titan. He moved to my side and peered through the crack as well.
“Where the hell is she?” I could hear the frown in his voice. Titan moved into my parents’ bedroom without fear of waking Daddy. I followed him because I knew nothing would happen with my superhero in front of me. Titan was my shield.
I peered around him and looked down at the empty space and wrinkled sheet where my mother should have been. I still smelled her floral perfume clinging to the linens. It was a smell that always reminded me of her.
Titan gestured to the bathroom and I saw a sliver of light shining from beneath the door. That sliver was innocuous in nature but it made my knees knock together worse than chattering teeth. It must have unnerved Titan too because he didn’t leave it alone. He didn’t brush it off as Mama using the bathroom. He walked over to the door and pressed his ear to it. I moved closer to him and did the same.
Water trickled and dripped on the other side.
My curiosity wouldn’t let me leave the door closed.
I wish it had.
Mama was in an overflowing tub. Her body was slouched down with her nose and lips below the water line. No air bubbles rose to the surface. My mind spun wildly into a state of panic.
My only thought was to get her out of the water. Titan and I worked in unison to pull her body from the tub. He lifted her without much help from me. The muscles in his arms, back, and sides rippled as he laid her gingerly on the bathroom floor. He pressed his ear to her wet chest then knelt up and started performing CPR.
“Is she breathing?” My words trembled out.
“No.” Titan’s eyes were set on Mama’s face as he pumped against her chest with his hands. Her head rolled to the side. Lifeless.
My ears filled with static. It was hot. It burned my skin. It broke my heart.
“Mama!” I called out, finally falling to the bathroom floor once my mind figured out how to operate again. I shook her shoulders and her body moved too easily. I yanked my hand back. Her skin was clammy and cold to the touch.
“Ivy, we gotta call someone. Come on.” Titan tried to pull me away from her but I wouldn’t move. I kept trying to wake her up.
It was a bad dream.
A nightmare.
A horrible mistake.
“Mama, please wake up.” My voice was small and childlike. I stroked her black and silver hair with shaky hands. I placed my palm to her chest hoping that Titan missed a feeble beat. Hoping that the huge sinkhole in the pit of my stomach wasn’t real.
“Ivy, she’s gone.” He whispered, gripping my shoulders and helping me stand up. Water rolled down my shins and I realized it was icy cold. She’d been dead for a while.
“No, Titan. I…I can’t lose her.” My lips quivered with the kind of ache that decimated people. It was the kind of feeling that reduced even the strongest person to a pile of rubble.
Titan tugged me out of the wet bathroom then he stepped inside again and draped a white towel over Mama’s body. I looked at the bed. Daddy was still snoring. In his world, Mama still existed. He didn’t know she was gone. He didn’t even know we were in the bedroom. I took one step after another until I was leaning over top of him, breathing down on him with so much hate and loathing that it made my limbs shake.
“Wake up!” I shouted, slapping at his body.
“Ivy, leave him alone,” Titan pulled my arm but I wouldn’t budge.
“No! He needs to wake the fuck up and deal with this! My mother is dead and I know it’s his fault. He did this!” My voice had never been that shrill before. Titan blinked at me and took a step back. I pelted Daddy’s chest with hit after hit until his eyes opened and he scowled at me.
His strong hand snagged my wrist and it yanked me forward so hard I nearly fell on my face. “Touch her again and it’ll be the last time you touch anything,” Titan growled from behind me.
My superhero.
