Page 18 of Honey Sugar
I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t. When we walked in the house, he sat in the kitchen and ate at the table instead of coming up to my room like we used to do. I paused on the bottom step then walked into the kitchen with him.
“What’s up, Ivy?” Why was he calling me Ivy all the time and not baby girl? It rubbed me the wrong way.
I pulled up a chair, sliding it against Mama’s clean floor. Wood on linoleum. The chair stuttered as I inched it closer to Titan. “Why do I feel like you’re mad at me?” I asked with a frown. My eyelids were so heavy. They must have each weighed five pounds.
“I don’t know. Why do you feel like that?” He took the foil wrapped burger from the white paper bag and looked at me. His eyes were piercing. They held so many stories that I was dying to unearth and examine.
I wanted to pluck his experiences apart so that I wouldn’t be stuck living in my own. I wanted to live vicariously. It was the only way I’d ever get a vacation. I was that sad. That dreary and bleak.
“Titan, don’t play mind games,” I grumbled. It was way past my bedtime and I was getting snappy. He looked at me with those inky eyes that penetrated like lasers. His stare made me hot from the inside out. I pulled at the neck of my shirt then moved my fingers to my ear. First the shell then the lobe. I rubbed my velvety soft skin until it was warm to the touch.
“I’m not playing games with you. Just trying to figure out if I can trust you or not.” He unwrapped his burger and the crunch of the shiny foil snapped some sense into my dense, foggy brain.
Titan just went through something monumental. He was paranoid and he couldn’t trust anyone. He knew me though. He wanted to trust me. Hedidtrust me. He told me something I was certain he only told his mother. He wanted my full loyalty and disclosure or nothing at all.
“You don’t believe me about the Xanax,” I said, knowingly.
“I believe you’re taking it. I don’t think you’re telling me everything. Nah, scratch that. Iknowyou’re not telling me everything. You wouldn’t keep the pills in a big ass Tylenol bottle if you were supposed to be taking them.”
“I am supposed to be taking them,” I countered, raising my voice higher than I expected. Guilt chewed through my false bravado. I curled my shoulders in and stared at the tabletop. “I’m sorry,” I sighed.
“What are you apologizing for? This is your house. You can raise your voice if you want to.”
“I’m supposed to take the pills. I just…take them more often than I’m supposed to.”
“You’re addicted to Xan. I get it. Is that what you’re having such a hard time saying?” He looked at me and his stare seared through all the excuses gathering in the corners of my brain.
“Yes. I guess.” My throat grew thick and tight.
“You ever try weed? Same effect but a lot easier on your body.” He took a bite out of his burger and my stomach rumbled reminding me that I had one too. I took it out of the bag and tore into it like I’d never eaten before.
“I’ve smoked a little here and there with some kids at school but smoking burns my throat. I hate it.”
“You had some trash weed. Let me take care of you, okay?” I didn’t know what to say in response. I only knew that phrases likelet me take care of youmade my chest squeeze. Nobody took care of me. In my house, it was every man for himself.
I looked at him and blinked hoping that maybe he could read my mind. “Sleep that shit off and tomorrow after we get back from Honey Sugar, I’ll make sure you’re nice and mellow.” He flashed me a quick smile then went back to eating.
Things seemed to smooth out between us after I told him my ugly truth. He went back to calling me baby girl and that made my heart happy. I couldn’t sort out my thoughts to figure out why but it didn’t matter. My brain was fuzzy and I needed to go to sleep.
Once we were finished eating, I headed upstairs and Titan came with me. We camped out in my room and I fell asleep listening for my parents to argue. It never happened. There were no angry shouts or obscenities. There was no thumping and crashing. Everything was silent.
I knew it was because Titan was there.
He was my superhero.
He chased away all the bad things.
…
“Is my drizzle work better?” Titan asked. He wore a black apron tied around his waist and a pair of clear food grade gloves while he worked with the candy drizzles. I looked at him and snorted.
“They’re okay.” I put the metal molds in the chiller and slid beside him. He sucked his teeth when I bumped his arm and made caramel drizzle spill onto the countertop. I brushed off his fussing and nestled myself in front of him. His arms rested on either side of me. I took the squeeze bottle while he looked over my shoulder at the way I drizzled the chocolates. His soft breath on the shell of my ear tickled.
“Like this,” I said. I made swift, quick motions over the candies while Titan watched. He leaned forward a bit to see better, pressing his weight against my back.
“Why can’t I have my own style?” He countered before taking a step back. It wasn’t until he was no longer pressed against me that I realized I was holding in my breath.
“Because your style isn’t as good as mine.” I stuck my tongue out and handed him a whiskey honey candy I had stashed in the front pocket of my apron.
