Page 68 of Honey Sugar
Fuck.
“Ivy! Wake the fuck up!” My voice was ripe with fear and guilt. So much guilt.
I cradled her in my arms while I called an ambulance. My hands shook so badly that it took me one minute to dial three numbers.
“911 what’s your emergency?”
“My girlfriend…she’s passed out beside a bottle of pills. She won’t wake up but she’s breathing.” I didn’t recognize my own voice. It was steeped in terror. I had to answer several questions while the dispatcher kept me on the phone. Every second that ticked by was excruciating. Nothing would wake Ivy.
The paramedics came and tried everything to get her to come around but nothing worked so they loaded her on the stretcher and put her in the ambulance. I followed closely behind.
Everything was a hectic and horrifying blur after that. My heart pounded as nurses escorted me away from the triage area. The last glimpse I saw was a plastic tube being snaked down Ivy’s throat while she remained unconscious.
“Sir, if you could wait out here until we’re done, we’ll notify you when she’s stable and awake.” The nurse that escorted me to the waiting area was quiet and smiled softly at me.
“What’s going to happen to her?” My words were strained.
“The nurses will perform a gastric lavage to empty the contents of her stomach. Do you know what she took?”
“She took Xanax. I don’t know how many. The bottle was empty. She’s going to be okay though, right? She still has a pulse.” I needed Ivy to be okay. I needed her to pull through because if she didn’t I would be lost.
“We’re going to update you once she’s stable and awake.” That’s all she would say to me. It was infuriating.
Sitting side by side with strangers in the waiting room slapped me with a stark realization. I didn’t have anyone I could call for support. I didn’t have anyone who would sit with me and tell me Ivy was going to pull through and be okay. Normally, I’d be on the phone with Mama or she’d be right at my side. If push came to shove I knew I could at least call Aunt Liv. Now, there was nobody. There was only me and Ivy. We already didn’t have a big family. Mama and Aunt Liv didn’t have any other siblings and my grandparents died when I was too young to remember.
Mama told me I had other relatives and some of them showed up to the funeral but I didn’t know them. I had no idea where they even came from or how they knew about Mama and Aunt Liv. I only knew that I’d never see them again after they waved and gave us hugs. Uncle Beau isolated himself from his family so Ivy and Aunt Liv never spoke about them. I wasn’t sure if they’d even met anyone from Beau’s side. Who the fuck would admit to being related to him anyway?
Ivy and I were alone.
My mind tortured me with thoughts of the worst possible outcomes. What would I do if I lost Ivy? My chest ached so badly I rubbed between my pectoral muscles.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to love her the way I did. I also knew I couldn’t help it. If that meant I was sick then I’d never ask for a cure. The way I loved Ivy wasn’t planned. It wasn’t something I daydreamed about as a kid. When I wondered what my wife would look like, I never saw Ivy. Loving her just happened. Our love moved swiftly and silently like a thief stealing our hearts. I fought with it in my mind but only came to the same conclusion over and over.
I could have suffered the rest of my life with thorns in my soul and regret in my heart. I could have shut myself off from every other woman knowing the one I truly loved would never be mine or I could risk everything and have her. I could put my middle finger to the world and put my arm around her shoulders. Nothing mattered as long as Ivy was by my side. I’d give anything to make sure she was okay.
My stomach was a mass of thick knots. They swelled inside of me until I felt nauseous. Waiting was agony to my soul.
I looked at every single nurse or doctor that came to the waiting room. I stared them down and hoped one of them would call for me. My eyes locked onto a nurse that came out in blue scrubs. She scanned the room then said, “Family for Ivy Marchand?” I shot to my feet and walked toward her. “Sir, are you here for Ivy Marchand?”
“Yes. Is she awake?” I wrung my hands over and over.
“Can you come with me?” She smiled for a second then it dropped from her face.
“Is Ivy awake?” I asked again as we passed through double doors and walked down a wide, busy hallway. The nurse didn’t answer me and it pushed under my skin like hot needles. I smoothed a hand over my beard and walked into the office she led me to. Inside, a doctor sat behind the desk staring at the computer monitor.
“Hello, sir. Have a seat. Your name is?”
“Titan Devereaux.”
“You said on the emergency call that Ms. Marchand is your girlfriend?” I fidgeted in my seat and nodded. I just wanted to know if Ivy was okay. I didn’t want to answer another fucking question.
“Do you know how we can get in touch with her emergency contact?”
“Nah. Her father is somewhere getting high. I’m all she has.” I tapped my chest and stared the doctor down. I knew nothing was his fault but I wanted answers and I was close to lashing out. He stared at me from behind silver-rimmed glasses for a while. I wondered if he knew how unnerving the silence was. I wanted to know about Ivy. Silence wasn’t achieving that.
“Her emergency contact is listed as Sarah Devereaux. Is that someone you know how to reach? I’m assuming it’s someone in your family since you share the same last name.”
I wasn’t expecting that blow to the heart. It crumbled me like aged stone. I shut my eyes and wondered why the hell Aunt Liv didn’t list Ivy’s own father as her emergency contact. When the confusion and anger fell away for a minute, I realized that I wouldn’t have listed Uncle Beau as anyone’s emergency contact either. I couldn’t imagine him showing up to the hospital drunk and high and demanding to see Ivy.
