Page 58 of Honey Sugar
“Why didn’t you tell me, baby girl?”
“Because you’re wrestling with your own nightmares.”
“So what? From here on out, your nightmares are mine too.”
“You can’t fix it. I guess it’s something I have to deal with,” I said.
“Tonight when we get home, you sleep. I’ll chase away the nightmares, okay?” His thumb swept over the dimple in my chin then moved over to my earlobe. He lingered there and I felt the heat of shame burn my face. I’d ben tugging on it so much in the past few days that it was red and the skin was starting to crack. It was painful but I couldn’t stop. It was a compulsion at that point. Especially since I was learning to cope without pills.
“Baby…” Titan’s voice was pained as he examined my ear. Tears rolled from my eyes without my permission. “I didn’t know you’d been pulling on your ear this bad.”
“I try to hide it with my hair,” I shrugged with a sad sniffle. He didn’t reprimand me. He held me close and kissed the top of my head.
“You know I’m here for you right? You can wake me up in the middle of the night. You can cry and scream and I’ll listen. You can say nothing and I’ll sit beside you…just stop hurting yourself.” I laid my head on his shoulder and nodded. It would be hard but I’d try. Not only for Titan, but for myself too.
Because he saw something in me that I didn’t see. He saw something worth saving. It was the first time I really felt special to someone. I’d never been special before. Not even to myself. I was special to him though and that was enough to make me want to do better.
Titan and I ordered food and he made me try the beignets since I told him the ones in Sugar Bayou were better. We talked and laughed until our sides hurt and our bellies were full of amazing food. I didn’t think the day could get any better. It was the first good day I had since Mama died. In a tiny corner of my mind, I felt guilty for enjoying life without her but that was the nature of life. It was a bittersweet contradiction that we had no choice but to go through.
Titan drove down street after street while I sat beside him soaking in the feeling of being okay. After everything that happened in our lives, being okay was something to celebrate. He turned into a small parking lot and stopped the car before looking at me. “Let me get you something.”
“Like what?” I looked at the row of stores we were in front of and my eyes picked out a jewelry store immediately. “Like what?” I asked again, that time excitement laced my tone.
“Come on,” he smirked, getting out.
He held the door open for me and we entered the small jewelry store. “Shadow, what’s up man?” The small white man behind the counter smiled big when he saw Titan. I swear he was a celebrity in New Orleans. Titan slapped hands with the man and smiled.
“What’s up, Mike? I need to get something special for this lady right here,” he said putting his hands on my hips.
“A ring?” Mike asked, lifting his eyebrows.
“Not yet. I’ll be back later for that,” Titan smirked and looked at me. I nearly fainted. “I want a necklace right now. I want it personalized though.”
“You get money and start balling, huh?” I joked with a smile. Titan pinched my arm playfully then looked down at the jewelry case. I couldn’t explain the way I tingled if I had access to all the words in the universe. It was everywhere all at once and it forced me to smile.
“That one.” Titan pointed and my eyes honed in on it right away. It was perfect. It was a gold cluster of three honeycombs. “Can you put two names on it?” He asked Mike, keeping his eyes fixed on the charm.
“Of course. Anything for you. I can run the names right along here.” He pointed to the straight lines that made up the hexagonal shape of the honeycombs.
“Perfect.” Titan smiled a little. Mike grabbed a piece of paper and told him to write the names down. I watched his long fingers write in small, neat letters: Titan & Ivy. I knew he’d write our names but still my stomach flopped and my veins filled with heat.
Our names side-by-side was an entire mood.
It was the only way to describe us. We weren’t romance and sunshine. We weren’t perfect puzzle pieces. We weren’t beloved by everyone around us.
We were Titan and Ivy.
Like honey and sugar.
“What do we do while he engraves it?” I asked him. We were alone in the small shop.
“Come here.” Titan pulled me over to the bathroom and pushed the door open. When he winked at me, my eyes got wide and I shook my head.
“Titan…no.”
“Ivy…yes.” He yanked me inside and shut the door behind us, locking it with a click.
“We’re gonna get caught. It’s so quiet in here and you know I’m loud.”
