Page 49 of Honey Sugar
I ran a hand over my face and tried to fight off the fatigue seeping into my bones. I was at a point that stood somewhere beyond tired. Maybe that’s what I needed to be to see the picture that started to unfold in front of me though.
Hatred was a slow killer. It gutted me from the inside out as I came to a stark realization. It was my fault Mama was dead. I hated myself but I hated her killer more. I couldn’t face the motherfucker that did it yet. I’d need time because this was more than personal. This was an assault on my family tree.
Mama’s death caused Aunt Liv’s death like a morbid chain reaction. Something like that couldn’t go uncorrected. I had to set balance back to the scales.
I put a batch of chocolate chip cookies in the oven and sat at the table with my head in my hands. How the fuck did I let that happen? Why didn’t I see it all along? What kind of son was I?
“I found out some fucked up news.” Ivy’s soft voice made me look up from my palms before I slipped completely into the self-hatred roaring inside. “Titan, what’s wrong?” She could tell from the look on my face that I was sick with myself. When I told her my realization about who killed my mother she put her hand over her mouth and let out a soft cry.
“I…can’t believe it. I mean, Icanbelieve it, I just don’t understand why.”
“There’s no understanding something like that. It’s cowardly and I know it’s my fault.”
“Titan, oh my god. Is that what you think?” She sat in my lap and touched my neck. We’d only just started being intimate and she already knew how to touch me and calm me down. “None of that is your fault. None of it. You didn’t kill her.”
“I know but it hurts knowing that in some way, I’m responsible for it. There’s only one way to make this right, Ivy. I have to kill this motherfucker. I can’t let him live after what he did.” I resigned myself to the fact that I’d have to kill again even though the first time warped my psyche.
“I understand,” Ivy said.
“I don’t want you to look at me differently. You know I’m still the same Titan you’ve always known…right?” I looked at her hoping she knew I wasn’t some monster that went around killing everyone who did me wrong but I couldn’t let my mother’s killer go. It didn’t feel right.
“You’ll always be my superhero, Titan. I know your heart.” She rubbed my chest and held her hand there.
“I’m glad you do because lately, I don’t know who the hell I am. I’ve turned into someone I don’t recognize.”
“Is the person you’re changing into a bad person?”
“I don’t think so. He’s a man who goes for what he wants and protects what he loves.” I looked at her and squeezed her sides, making a pretty smile blossom on her full pink lips. It was the rainbow after a storm.
“And what do you love, Titan Devereaux?”
“I love a girl named Ivy. Supposed to be poison to me but I think I have immunity.” I kissed her and she giggled.
“Immunity and an addiction.”
“You ain’t lying, baby girl.” The timer went off so I took my cookies out of the oven and set them on the island.
“Wow, now the entire house smells like weed,” she chuckled.
“That’s how you know they’re good. Once the smell settles, you won’t be able to smell anything. The ingredients I use are refined I have about six more batches to bake.” Once I took them off the cookie sheet to cool, I looked at Ivy. “What fucked up shit did you find out after you went through Aunt Liv’s notes?”
“Oh, yeah.” She sat down at the table and rubbed her forehead over and over as if she could massage everything away. I knew the feeling I wished I could do the same.
“Honey Sugar is broke, Titan. We should have more than double the money we have. Mama was giving Daddy half of all the profit from the candy and from the moonshine. She had two sets of books. One for candy and one for candy plus liquor. Between both products, Honey Sugar should be pulling in six to eight thousand every day. Our highest earning day made twelve thousand dollars. Mama gave Daddy six thousand damn dollars that day, Titan. It makes sense now why I wouldn’t see him for days sometimes. He’d be out bingeing until his money ran out.” She shook her head and toyed with her ear. I glared at her and she yanked her hand away, clasping them together in her lap.
“That’s a lot of money to give away,” I said.
“That’s why things were tight around the house even though we had such a successful business. I can’t wrap my mind around it. Why give the man who’s abusing you every day so much money to fuel his dangerous habits?”
“To keep him happy or at least try to. As long as he was happy, she thought she avoided getting beat.”
“Yeah, only that didn’t work and Honey Sugar lost out on hundreds of thousands of dollars.”
“So, what’s the plan, baby girl? I know you have one. I can see your wheels turning and churning over there.” In no time at all, Ivy flipped a switch. I didn’t know if she saw it or felt it but she was getting ready to change. She was right on the precipice. I loved watching the transformation. I had faith that she would turn Honey Sugar around and make back all the money and then some.
“I want to make Honey Sugar what it should be. What itdeservesto be. I want to cut Daddy off. I know it’s going to make him mad as hell and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified but he can’t keep draining the business Mama worked so hard to build from the ground up.”
I nodded in agreement. She was right. Uncle Beau couldn’t keep fucking Honey Sugar the way he was and from the sound if it, he thought he was entitled to the money he’d become so accustomed to getting.
