Page 31 of Honey Sugar
My heart was replaced by thick and unforgiving barbwire. Anyone who wasn’t already inside would remain on the outside forever. I was changed and things would never be the same.
…
CHAPTER SIX
Titan was a basket case.
I didn’t blame him though. His mother got killed four days ago and he didn’t understand why. Neither could I. Neither could my mother. How the hell could anyone shoot her in the back of the head like a damn animal? She was the sweetest woman. She was a God-fearing and would give anyone the shirt off her back. With Aunt Sarah, that wasn’t just a warm cliché to clothe a cold person. It was her life.
When I was little, I wanted to be a nurse for the longest time because of her. That was until I found my candy calling. I watched her try to help Mama over the years on and off. She was the one who taught me how to properly clean a cut and dress a gash. I thought after seeing her sitting in the parlor laughing and talking maybe Aunt Sarah would actually succeed. Maybe Mama would see the light and leave Daddy. Now, I’d never know.
I kept watch over Titan after Aunt Sarah got killed. He was functional enough to make decisions for her funeral arrangements and to talk to detectives whenever they asked him a question but when it came to functioning at home he was a shell of who he used to be. He didn’t smile anymore. He didn’t joke or play around. He was blank.
Anyone who knew Titan knew that his mama was his heart. So in a sense, now he was heartless. He was numb.
I made sure he ate and I got him to talk every so often. He didn’t say much but at least he looked at me. Mama and I were the only people outside of detectives he would respond to. Daddy was dead to him. Even after he offered a rough and unconvincing sentence full of condolences to Titan, he received no response.
“Hey, Titan you ready for bed?” I asked, rubbing his broad shoulders. He wouldn’t eat any of Mama’s food and I couldn’t figure it out the first day but then I realized it held too many memories. It was like eating spoonfuls of grief. Everything Mama made was sour to his mouth and he refused it.
So I fed him his favorite, burgers and fries. He’d only eat half. It was fitting though because my stomach was half-full with sorrow too so I ate the other half.
My hands kneaded the stiff knots in Titan’s shoulders while I waited for his response. “Yeah, let’s go.” He nodded and stood then took my hand, tangling our fingers together. For the past four days, things didn’t feel right if I wasn’t touching him. I had to lay my hands on him to make sure he was level. If I didn’t, he might fall right off the earth.
We walked up the stairs together and when we reached the landing, I saw Mama sitting in the office with the door open and the light on. Daddy was in their bedroom. The reflection from the flat mirror lying on their bed caught my eye and disgust rippled through me knowing he was about to sniff coke until he passed out. He had to be stealing money from Honey Sugar to fund his habit. There was no way in hell he stayed knee-deep in cocaine without having serious money.
“Fucking pathetic,” Titan muttered from the hall. I couldn’t argue with that. My father was a piece of pathetic trash. I hated him.
“What did you say to me, boy?” Daddy growled.
Why did I have his olive green eyes? I hated to look at him because of it. When I looked in the mirror I saw him. It was enough to make me loathe my reflection.
“You heard me. You’re fucking pathetic. You see our family is hurting and all you can think about is sniffing up coke. Fucking junkie.”
“Keep talking and you’ll bury your mama in some cemetery in town.” His words were spiked and unnecessary. He knew Titan was still newly wounded.
“What the fuck did you say?” Titan stepped closer to the bedroom with narrowed eyes and lips drawn in tight.
Aunt Sarah had it in her will to be buried in Sugar Bayou on our family plot in the cemetery on our land. It’s how people on their side of the family handled death and funerals. Whoever owned the most land held the family cemetery. With our family, it was Mama and Daddy. Naturally, Aunt Sarah would be buried on our land. I didn’t want it any other way and neither did Titan.
“You heard me, you cocky little motherfucker. Not so big and bad now that Mommy isn’t here, huh?” I couldn’t believe my father was capable of so much venom. I was still stupidly naïve, evidently. My head throbbed from so many emotions fighting for center stage. Embarrassment and regret won.
“I want you to know that I will kill you where you fucking stand.” I saw the glint in Titan’s eyes. It was wrong. It was dark and steely. That wasn’t my cousin. That was the dark side of him that never saw the light of day.
Daddy needed to back down.
I don’t think he knew he wasn’t speaking to the same Titan he was used to. This new Titan didn’t have any remorse or regret. He was nearly unrecognizable.
“Titan, come on,” I urged him, pushing his arm, trying to get him to budge. He was strong and stubborn as a mule.
“Titan, please, baby. Don’t do this.” Even Mama came from the office to beg him to let Daddy talk his shit. We knew Daddy wasn’t right in the head and we knew that Titan wasn’t either. Only one of them wasn’t full of shit though.
Mama wrapped her fingers around Titan’s wrist and pulled him down the hall to the office and then closed the door behind all of us. I wondered if Daddy knew that the standoff he was engaging in could have easily ended with him getting shot.
Sometimes it was best to leave off-kilter people alone and Titan was completely off-kilter.
“Keep your husband away from me, Aunt Liv. I love you and Ivy with all my heart but it won’t stop me from putting a bullet in his goddamn skull.”
“I know, Titan. He was wrong, okay? Look at me.” Mama held his coal gaze and sat behind her desk. She was tired. Her eyes carried so much baggage. I’d never see her look so tired before.
