Page 30 of Honey Sugar
Time meant nothing.
I reached behind me and shook Ivy until she woke up. “What’s wrong?” She asked.
“We gotta go, Ivy. My mother got shot.” My stomach flopped in a sickening way as something automatic and involuntary made me get up and put on clothes.
“Shot? What!” Her words trembled under terror. We both waded through water stumbling over our feet until we reached Aunt Liv’s bedroom. I didn’t knock. I turned the knob and walked in. I knew Uncle Beau would be in a coke-induced stupor so I didn’t worry about waking him. I knelt down on the floor beside her and felt my heart shatter. She looked like Mama. I never realized how much until I saw her sleeping face.
“Auntie, wake up,” I whispered into her ear and her eyes popped open like she knew what I had to tell her. She looked at me in the darkness and I held her hand in mine. “We have to leave right now. Mama got shot.”
“What?” She sat up and shook her head. “Not Sarah.”
“Yes. We need to go.” I stood up and walked out of the room. I glanced over my shoulder to see Aunt Liv staring at Uncle Beau. I halted my steps and headed right back into her bedroom. “If you wake him up you don’t have to worry about me protecting you anymore. I’ll pack my shit and leave. Now either you’re coming with us or you’re staying here to worry about what that asshole is going to do.” She nibbled on her lip and rushed into the hallway with me and Ivy. I didn’t know if what I said to her was cruel or not but that wasn’t what my brain was focused on. I had to get to my mother.
I took off like a bat out of hell with Ivy and Aunt Liv in the backseat. I hated the fact that I had nothing to do but sit and steep in my own thoughts until I became wrinkled with worry and murky thoughts settled into my crevices. I mashed my foot on the gas pedal and moved faster down the empty roads.
“Titan, slow down. You’re gonna get pulled over.” I ignored Aunt Liv and watched the speedometer creep toward the 90 mph mark with ease. It took one and a half hours to get to New Orleans from Sugar Bayou but I got home after only forty-five minutes.
I was breathless and stiff as a board by the time I pulled onto my street. I couldn’t get into the driveway because cop cars blocked the entrance. Red and blue illuminated the block like a somber light show.
I left the keys in the car and the engine running while I moved toward my house. The door was wide open. Cops wearing navy blue button-down shirts and matching hats moved in and out of my home with heads too heavy for their necks to hold up. The sight carried violent energy with it that snatched my breath and knocked my heart into the abyss.
My throat closed as I shoved officers out of my way ignoring their shouts and warnings not to cross the bold yellow and black tape. It read CRIME SCENE over and over. Side by side. Looping around the chain link fence and crossing the gate leading into the front yard.
I don’t remember stepping over it but I was on the other side of it. I stepped into the house and gagged at the familiar smell of blood. The sharp metallic scent met my tongue without permission. I followed my nose to the carpet beneath me. I was centimeters from stepping in my mother’s blood.
The gruesome picture unfolded in front of me in slow motion. Mama’s face was on the floor. Her eyes were stuck open. Terror was etched in them permanently. It would, unfortunately, be the last expression she’d ever make. She was dead.
Nobody had to tell me.
I didn’t hold onto any false hopes.
I’d seen plenty of dead people.
Grief was swift. It was a savage reaper with a skilled scythe that took my knees out, forcing me to the ground. Sorrow crawled from my throat and slashed at the air as I screamed for my mother.
I only needed one more moment.
One more hug.
One more kiss.
One more “Titan, stay out of trouble.”
One more “I love you.”
I didn’t cry. I stopped after my tenth birthday when I realized tears never changed the outcome. Right then, my heart didn’t care about the rules I made for myself.
My heart wanted to weep. It needed to weep before it ballooned and exploded. I couldn’t see who was grabbing my shoulders but I felt bony fingers pulling me away from Mama. I wanted to stay. I wanted to curl my too-tall body into a ball next to her. I was being dragged away while I screamed though. With one last burst of strength, I slammed my palm against the bloody carpet, letting my fingertips catch the edge of the pool of blood. I wanted to steal one last part of her even if it was gory. Even if I’d wash it away later.
I closed my fingers against my palm and absorbed her into my skin. She would be a part of me forever. “Titan…” Ivy’s delicate voice reached out to me. It was too soft for this horrific situation. It was lace sent to clean shrapnel.
She hugged me and bawled against my chest. I clutched her and held her there against me while her body trembled with fear and mourning.
As my hearing returned, I heard Aunt Liv shouting at the officers that her sister was dead and that I lived there and was Sarah Devereaux’s son. Moments stitched themselves together after that. I talked to countless people and signed documents while sitting in harshly lit offices. I muttered out answers like a robot.
I was irrevocably broken.
My mind was garbled and black.
