Page 28 of Honey Sugar
“Even though I had boyfriends, would you believe that I never felt close to any of them? I never let any of them beyond the foyer of the house because I didn’t know where Daddy would be. I didn’t know if he’d be shoving coke up his nose of getting drunk from moonshine. It was always so embarrassing.” Her laugh was filled with sad and sour notes. “I made up so many lies, Titan. I’m probably going to hell based on that alone.”
I hated seeing her on the brink of tears. “Come here.” I spoke in a quiet voice that seemed to pull her near. She slid closer to me until our shoulders touched and our knees butted against each other. I still wanted her closer.
I tugged on her hand and patted my lap. I didn’t know if she’d move there but she did. She slid onto my lap draping her legs across mine. Her head rested on my shoulder and my arms circled her waist.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that, baby girl. Did you…” I didn’t know how to ask my next question. I didn’t know if she’d think it was in poor taste but she asked me earlier so it couldn’t have been too bad. “Did you fuck them?” My voice was too thick. Too ripe with the need to know her answer.
“Some of them.” She snuggled her head against my shoulder more and I knew she was trying to hide her face from my gaze. Even without a mirror, I knew it was a heated gaze.
“When did you lose your virginity, Ivy?” My arms were so tight around her that I could feel her heart quicken.
“When I was fifteen.”
“I can’t believe you’re not a virgin. Wow. I should have never stopped coming around.”
“Why would you say that?” She looked at me, her green eyes not quite angry but they damn sure weren’t pleasant. I touched a nerve.
“I don’t know…” I couldn’t explain my reaction. I had no idea why those words came out of my mouth.
“You think I messed up by losing my virginity? Because I don’t regret it. I didn’t love my boyfriend at the time but at least I knew him and it was my choice. You can’t be mad at that, Titan.”
“I know. I’m not mad at all. I’m being overprotective for no damn reason. You finished growing up just fine without having your big cousin poke around in your business.” I kissed her forehead and she settled down. “I guess it’s hard believing you’re all grown up. You’re so pretty, Ivy.” My thumb found the dimple in her chin. My calloused hands felt rough in contrast to her velvety skin.
With timid fingers, she reached up and stroked my beard. “Thank you, Titan. You grew up pretty nice too. Clearly, you don’t have a problem getting girls.”
“I do what I can,” I joked, smoothing my beard. My hand rubbed against Ivy’s and she pulled hers away.
“I’m petting you like you’re a damn cat. Sorry.” Her laugh was shaky.
“It’s cool.” I looked down at her from heavily hooded lids. After a few more quiet moments moved by, I said, “I’m going to check on Aunt Liv and then we need to go to sleep. You’ve yawned ten times in the past half hour.” I touched her dimple again and it brought a smile to her face.
When I moved off the bed, Ivy’s butterscotch scent hung on my t-shirt like a whisper of how close we were. I walked down the hall thinking about her smooth skin on mine and my lips on her forehead. I was calming her down. I was soothing her.
I knocked on Aunt Liv and Uncle Beau’s closed bedroom door, happy with anything that took my mind off those soon to be well-worn twisted roads it liked to travel. I heard shuffling around then Uncle Beau called out, “Who is it?”
“Titan,” I responded, angling my ear to hear better behind the door.
“Get your ass from out front my door, boy.”
“Yo, Auntie. You okay in there?” I ignored the fuck out of Uncle Beau because I could. He was a coward and he’d never stand up to me. I knew it. He knew it.
“I’m fine, Titan. Thank you.” I heard her voice but I couldn’t trust it without seeing her face before I went to sleep. I turned the knob and pushed the door open.
Aunt Liv was sitting up in bed while Uncle Beau knelt down on the floor at the other side of the bed. His nose was pressed to a medium-sized mirror lined with white powder. He sniffed the rest of the line and glared at me. His eyes were wild and bloodshot. On the nightstand beside the bed was an open jar of moonshine. The sharp smell of alcohol permeated the air.
I turned away from him because honestly, that motherfucker made me sick to my stomach. I looked at my aunt and my heart broke a little. Her eyes were deeply sad and I knew there was nothing I could do to bring back the happiness she had when she was around her big sister.
“Get the fuck out of here, Titan!” Uncle Beau roared and tried to stand to his feet. He was too high though. He stumbled and landed on his ass. I didn’t feel moved to help or laugh or do anything but look at him with disgust.
“Titan, you gotta go,” Aunt Liv said softly. She got out of bed and I watched her walk to make sure she wasn’t limping or anything. I would fuck her husband up whether he was high or not.
“I’m right down the hall if you need me, Auntie.” I gave her a hug hoping to lift her spirits.
“I know. Now go.”
“Get your narrow ass out of here before I put my foot…” He could barely speak coherently once the coke started working on him. I watched his energy dwindle down to nothing and all I could do was shake my head before I closed the bedroom door.
Ivy was standing nearby when I turned around. Her olive eyes were wide and she toyed with her ear relentlessly. I put my hand on the small of her back and lead her to the bedroom.
