Page 82 of Trust Issues
If he wanted to play it like that, then we could. I was game.
…
I spent night after night tossing and turning because my stupid brain refused to get used to the fact that Max and I were done. There would be no more sleeping beside him or feeling his arms around me in the middle of the night.
I timed leaving for work in the mornings so I wouldn’t have to see him. I got it down to a science. If I left at 6:35 in the morning Max would already be getting in his car. We’d miss each other by mere minutes. I made sure to play music in the evenings when I got home so that I wouldn’t hear his door close across the hall. It was a stretch but I was making it one day at a time.
When an entire week passed, I felt accomplished. I felt like I could stand a little taller and sleep a little better. Okay, I was just telling myself that shit but hey, fake it ‘til you make it, right?
“Girl, are you still not speaking to Max?” Naima asked. We were Facetiming. It had become our ritual when I got home from work during the week.
“We. Are. Broken. Up,” I said in a short choppy tone.
“You’re annoying as fuck. Talk to him.”
“Nope. I’m good. I’m surviving. I’ll be fine. Won’t be the first time a man has broken my trust.” I tipped my nose in the air and brought a glass of tequila to my lips.
“You’re being dramatic, but okay. You know damn well Max didn’t really break your trust.”
“Naima…you’re breaking up girl. I gotta go.”
“I’m not breaking up and I’ll call you right back if you hang up on me, Kyle.”
“You know what? I just remembered I gotta close the refrigerator. Let me call you back.”
“Kyla Bradshaw!” She laughed loudly.
“No, seriously, I have to go close the blinds. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you, bye.” I ended the call and shook my head when she called me back immediately. Luckily, I had a real life distraction in the form of someone knocking on my door. I hit decline and went to see who was bothering me.
“Can I come in?” Owen smiled at me when I opened the door. I seriously considered closing the door in his face. “Come on, Kyle, don’t give me that look. Max didn’t send me. He doesn’t even know I’m here.”
“You have five minutes, Owen because I know you don’t want anything.” I let him in and flopped down on the couch. I opened a Starburst and looked at him, waiting to hear what he had to say.
“You can’t ignore the man forever.Pleasedon’t ignore him forever, Kyle because now that you two aren’t talking he’s always talking to me. I love my brother but goddamn.”
I let a laugh slip out at the pained look on Owen’s handsome face. “That’s not my problem. We’re not together anymore and we’re not speaking. Are you done?” I quizzed.
“No, I’m not. Do you know all he does is talk about you? All he does all day is try to figure out why you’re so mad at him. All he does is talk about how beautiful you look when he sees you but he doesn’t speak because he thinks you hate him.” Owen sighed and rubbed his palms over his face.
I looked down at my half-empty glass of tequila and pursed my lips together. How could I ever hate Max? I wasn’t even mad at him anymore I just couldn’t get past my own pride to say something as simple as hello.
“You know he’d never cheat on you, right? After what he went through, the last thing he’d ever want to do is cheat on you or hurt you.”
“Then why did he even entertain that bitch? Since you have the answers, Owen please tell me that.”
“I don’t know. Maybe if you’d hear him out you could find out the whole story, damn.” He stood up in a huff and headed toward the door. “I’d be mad as shit if I was in love with you. You crush hearts and then you act hurt.” Nothing else hit me the way Owen’s words did. The impact was so heavy it changed my outlook and crumbled my pride immediately.
Me and Max had some stuff to work through but nothing was so horrible that I had to break up with him. I was making myself miserable without him and evidently I was making Max miserable too.
Dammit.
Was I really so afraid of love that I would kill it before it had a chance to bloom?
I was dead ass wrong cutting Max off like that.
I had to fix it.
Pride be damned.
