Page 80 of Trust Issues
Calm down.
I didn’t want to listen to my inner-self though. She was way too fucking calm. As I leaned over to bang on the window with the heel of my hand, Max’s coffee brown eyes caught mine. He slow-blinked like he knew he fucked up then he got out of the car.
“I came to bring you lunch and instead, I find you in the car with this bitch? Is this the one you fucked a while ago?” I asked pointing violently to the now scared little turtle sitting in the front seat of Max’s car.
“Kyle, listen to me. None of that was what it looked like.”
“You know what? I don’t care. Clearly, you don’t either. Let’s stop this shit now while we’re ahead before either one of us does something stupid like falls in love.” I felt my voice wobble and I kicked and screamed at myself inside not to break down in front of a man. He wouldnotsee me cry over him.
Everything inside my body vibrated with the need to scream and cry and rage but I could not do it in front of Maxwell. “You know goddamn well I wouldn’t do anything this disrespectful to you. Tous. You mean the world to me…she’s nothing.” Max looked over his shoulder at the girl whose shoulders kept inching up higher like she wished she could disappear. “Yo, Tiana, get out here. You need to clear this shit up now. You can’t have my girl about to break up with me over this.” I heard him say when he yanked the passenger door open.
“I’ve heard enough, Max. Like I said, regardless of whatever this situation is,” I motioned to him and the fucking frog princess in the car. “I’m done. I don’t want to hear it. Goodbye.” I turned on my heel and bee-lined for my car before I lost my mind and beat that girl’s ass in broad daylight in the parking lot of a financial firm.
I wasn’t trying to be on the news later on.
The entire ride home, I fought with myself on what I believed was really happening in that car with that bitch. Even if Max wasn’t planning to fuck her, why was she in his car? Why was he entertaining her? Why did she feel so fucking comfortable getting close to him if he supposedly told her that he was involved with someone?
Questions with no answers flooded my mind until I had a raging headache that wouldn’t stop pounding. When I walked through the lobby, Mark chuckled and said, “Where’s your boyfriend? You two are usually so inseparable.”
“Fuck you, Mark. Not a good time.” I stormed past him, leaving his mouth agape and went straight for the elevators.
I had no idea what came over me but the second I was safely inside of my apartment, I fell to pieces. I sobbed all the way to my bedroom. The day had been too fucking much. I wanted to block it all out. I wanted to go back to bed and start over again.
Maybe jumping into a relationship with Max wasn’t the smartest thing. Maybe that’s what today was trying to tell me. He was a man and he could be tempted. I checked my phone when I got tired of crying into my pillow and saw twelve missed calls and voicemails from Max. Barkley hopped on the bed with me and tried to lick my salty tears away but when I kept moving my face, he opted for snuggles instead. I knew he wouldn’t leave my side until I’d calmed down.
“You’re the only loyal man I’ve ever known, Barks.” I kissed the top of his curly head and pulled my knees up to my chest. I needed time to think. I needed time to figure out what I was going to say to Maxwell when I finally did talk to him again. It wasn’t like I’d never see the man. He lived across the hall after all.
“I should avoid him as long as humanly possible, right, Barkley?” I asked. “Even if he wasn’t doing anything with that girl, who’s to say he won’t in the future? Maybe next time it’ll be Sadie. Maybe he’s not a cheater but he likes to entertain other bitches to stroke his ego? You know he’s super arrogant.” Barkley looked up at me with his onyx eyes and huffed like I was the one being ridiculous. “Seriously though, Barks. You don’t understand how this is fucking with me. I’m hurt and I only hurt when I care which means I care a hell of a lot about Max. Ugh.” I kicked my feet and Barkley buried his face under my hand to make me pet him.
“I know, I’m sorry, Barkley. This is why I don’t trust people. See what they do to you? They sit in cars with bitches they’ve fucked before. They let said bitches touch their face and…” My mind flashed back to the way she touched his lips and I got pissed all over again. No matter how mad I got though, I couldn’t seem tostaymad.
It caused me to be pissed off on an entirely different level.
I couldn’t even call Naima because she was in the fucking air. I was stuck sticking this stupid shit out by myself.
When the time came for Max to walk into my apartment like he usually did, I made sure to hop up and put a chair under the doorknob. Sure enough, he tried to walk his arrogant ass in my apartment like he lived there and, boom, the chair stopped him. “Kyle, please let me in. I need to talk to you about that shit in the parking lot. I wasn’t trying to fuck her.”
“So? You were in your car with her. You let her in your car, Max. You know what kind of fucking bird she is but you let her in anyway. So it doesn’t even matter if you planned to fuck her or not. You entertained her.” My chest was tight but I didn’t let a tear fall.
“Seriously? So you’re not talking to me because a crazy woman jumped in my car? You know what? Fuck this. You didn’t want a relationship anyway, Kyla. You wanted to cling to your ridiculous standards and your notion that no man can ever live up to them. You want to hold fast to your trust issues and not let anyone in. You can keep that shit.”
His words cut deep and pushed salt into every wound. I hated him. He was right. He was still wrong for entertaining that girl though. He knew it even if everything single thing he said about me was spot on.
“Okay, Maxwell. It is what it is then. I guess we’re through. Give me my fucking key.” I moved the chair and shoved my hand through the slim opening. With a heavy, irritated sigh, he plopped the spare key in my hand then went across the hall.
My chest squeezed then popped when I heard his door close with a thud.
I did everything in the fucking world not to think about Max and I being over. I poured myself into work and dug through notes upon notes for no reason other than to give my anxious brain something else to chew on. I checked the time incessantly to see if Naima or Cadence sent me a text telling me they’d landed. I needed my girls.
When four hours passed and I didn’t hear from them, I sent Naima a text.
Me: Are you safe? Did you die?
Naima: Yup. I died. Heaven’s nice.
Me: Liar. You know damn well you’d go to hell.
Naima: Possibly. Can’t confirm or deny. Are you okay? You can’t miss me this much already.
