Page 91 of Margot
Once my eyes were closed I saw a forest, which wasn’t totally out of the ordinary since discovering Margot. Normally, she liked to hang around the tree line of the forest where the light receded. This time when I searched the tree line, I saw a small house. The house had the same door I always felt was present in my mind. This time I knew Margot was behind it.
Without even calling out to her, I knew she wouldn’t come out. The piano traumatized her. I opened my eyes and stood to my feet. When I found Lennox, he was stirring a mug of hot green tea. I could smell it in the air.
“I don’t know when Margot’s going to come back,” I said, looking down at my fingers. I was amazed at how pale my middle finger was.
“Why?” He turned around and handed me the tea, which I took gladly. Even though Margot locked herself away in her little cottage in the forest, I knew her nerves were still bouncing through me like a million little rubber balls.
“She was terrified of the piano,” I said dipping the tip of my nose into the steam rising off the mug.
“Oh…fuck. I didn’t think about that.”
“Yeah, I wrote to her but she’s probably going to need some time.”
“I’m so glad you two communicate now though. It’s made things a lot less tense. It’s made me fall so much more in love with you.” He took a step toward me and I felt the hesitance in his body language.
I was so tired of him walking on eggshells around me. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I’d made him second-guess everything he did with me and I felt sick behind it. I set my mug of tea down and closed the gap of space between us. His familiar scent of cocoa butter and leather brought all the bouncing nerves to a halt immediately.
I draped my arms around his shoulders and noticed there were no red flags.
No tension.
No pulling back.
I was where I wanted to be. I was in Lennox’s arms. His hesitation melted and he put his hands on my hips.
“This entire situation has made me fall more in love with you too. It’s also made me realize how damn stupid I’ve been all this time. I’ve been pushing you away and it wasn’t fair.”
“It also wasn’t your fault. You had no idea you were repressing so many horrible things. You were knotted up and you didn’t know why or how. You were trying to function the best you could while walking around land mines.
Fuck, Sutton. I swear I want to confront that bastard for what he did to you.” I knew from the tight muscles in his back Lennox wanted to do more than confront DuBois.
So did I.
He ripped away my innocence before I even knew what innocence was. He made me split in two. I was grateful for Margot but I hated the way she came to be.
Now, I was afraid to be whole because the only identity I’d ever known was a broken one.
…
