Page 75 of Margot
CHAPTER TWENTY
SUTTON
I’d been aware of my DID for two weeks so far and there had been no contact with Margot. I hated it. I hated feeling like I was normal but knowing that I wasn’t.
While Lennox was at work and I had to sit at home, I found myself doing massive amounts of research about dissociating. I realized that I’d been doing it for as long as I could remember. Through talking with Dr. Adler, I realized that even when I was a teenager, I would dissociate and my parents would see it as severe mood swings.
Hell, once they even wanted to put me on pills because they thought I was bipolar. Dr. Adler let me know that it was quite common to misdiagnose DID as bipolar disorder especially if there weren’t a lot of other alters.
I still couldn’t unlock why I needed Margot to show up in the first place. I had no idea what happened to me as a child to make me split the way I did. I thought about asking my parents but I knew they wouldn’t know. They never took any interest in me beyond piano and school.
The only person in my life who’d ever been there for me no matter what was Lennox. He was my rock. I felt like trash every single day for the way I accused him of cheating.
I decided to take my mind of the intense self-loathing by organizing my sheet music. While I was wrist-deep in weathered music books, Lennox came home with lunch for us. He’d been doing it for two weeks straight so that I wouldn’t be cooped up in the house alone until my finger finished healing.
Every day, I looked forward to it a little more. Today, I met him at the door with a smile and a hug. Whenever we touched, I still felt red flags popping up but I was able to understand they existed because of repressed memories.
I didn’t have a problem with Lennox touching me. I had a problem with what happened when I was a kid. I just wished I could unlock the door to deal with it. I wanted a normal marriage with my husband. I wanted a normal relationship with myself.
“Hey, beautiful. I got sushi today. Plus a little sake on the side but if you don’t want to have a drink, that’s fine. I need one. I had three showings today before lunch.”
“Wow, did you land them or…” I took the food out and set it on the dining room table. I glanced at the Steinway out the corner of my eye and my heart ached along with my fingers to play it.
Two more weeks and I’d be back at it.
I couldn’t wait.
“I landed two immediately because your husband is a magician when it comes to selling property. The third one wants to wait and sleep on it. I understand though, the property is worth four million.”
“Wow!” My eyes got big. “That’s amazing. If you land that…”
“If I land that, I’ll take us back to Hawaii for two weeks for a do-over.”
“I wonder if I’ll get charged extra for my alter?” I looked at him as I picked up a piece of sushi with a pair of chopsticks. Lennox looked like he didn’t know if he should laugh or not.
Finally, a smile stretched across his face and he chuckled. “Look at you making jokes. I’m glad you’re feeling better Sutton.”
“Me too. I still haven’t had a chance to communicate with Margot though. You said she hasn’t made any appearances, right?”
“No, she hasn’t reached out to me at all,” he shrugged. I poured us a glass of sake and Lennox looked shocked.
“I didn’t think you’d want to drink any.”
“Why not? It’s not like I have any practicing to do.” I took a sip and then another and another until the entire glass was gone.
“Shit, Sutton. I think you might have needed a drink.”
“Maybe,” I laughed. “I think I drank it too fast though. My head hurts.” Even though I was in the middle of a serious headache, I couldn’t stop looking in Lennox’s copper eyes and flawless chocolate skin.
“You have a headache, Sutton?” His eyes narrowed at me. That’s when the revelation hit me like a ton of bricks.
Margot was coming.
“Yeah. It feels like everything is getting dark.” I stood up and went into the bedroom because the need to lie down was so strong. I barely remember hitting the bed or closing my eyes but I do remember sinking back into darkness.
…
