Page 73 of Margot
CHAPTER NINETEEN
LENNOX
The clock on Dr. Adler’s wall ticked in absolute silence after Sutton left. I didn’t know what else to say. I sat there trying to process everything and trying to figure out how to talk to her once we left the therapist.
“Lennox, give her some time. This is huge to digest. That’s why I didn’t want to spring it on her. Sutton is fragile. Now that her DID is out in the open, it’s going to take time for her to understand what she’s dealing with.
I can send you home with some literature and point you in the direction of some websites and videos to watch that will help you understand the reality of dealing with DID. I want to see you both back here in two days.”
“Okay, Doc. We can do that,” I said with a nod. “Can I ask you a question?” I couldn’t look at her when I asked because her eyes were like truth serum.
“What is it, Lennox?”
“Is it unhealthy for me to want to talk to Margot? I mean…I want to check on her and see how she’s handling this. Is that something that’s even possible? Does Margot know what Sutton is going through and vice versa?”
“Now that Sutton has been alerted to the fact that she shares headspace with an alternative personality, she may be open to receiving communication from Margot. At first, it might start in flashes but then it’ll happen more purposefully and frequently. It’ll eventually become like a normal conversation between two separate people if they’re both willing.
I suggest journaling or writing notes back and forth between alters. It may help her get to know Margot. Now, as for you…” She sighed and put her iPad to sleep. Her gaze fixed me to my spot. “This is uncharted territory for me, Lennox. I’ve never dealt with a married couple where the husband has fallen in love with his wife and her alter simultaneously. I will say that it’s lovely how much you’ve accepted Margot but you have to be careful not to become too attached. Sutton is your wife.”
“I know. I don’t even understand how any of this works. If I’m being honest, Doc, I wish I could mesh them together. I wish they could coexist because I love both of them. I love both sides of her. I’m confused.”
“I know. It’s natural. That’s why I don’t want you to come right back for an appointment. Take a couple of days to unpack everything. Talk to both Sutton and Margot as they present themselves. Don’t push and don’t demand that she switch. There might be other alters inside that you haven’t met, so be open.”
“I would never demand that she switch. I guess I’m just trying to find the proper protocol.”
“Imagine how Sutton feels,” Dr. Adler stopped and smiled at me. “Just let her do the driving right now. Your job is to be there for her. If you notice Margot makes an appearance, talk to her but don’t pry. It’s jarring finding out you’re an alter when you thought you were an autonomous person.”
Dr. Adler moved around her office and found all sorts of literature for Sutton and me to read about DID. I thanked her and stood to my feet. “We’ll be back for our appointment in two days.”
“Good. I look forward to seeing you. Write down anything that you want to talk about in the meantime. Let Sutton know that I’d like to explore why Margot came to be. We’ll take things as slow or as fast as she wants.”
“Okay. Hey, if Margot were to make an appearance while we were here, would you be able to talk to her? Could she have her own session?”
“She could,” Dr. Adler nodded.
“Could Sutton have her own as well?” I walked over to the door and paused, waiting for her answer.
“Yes, but if you’re suggesting that she come on her own, I don’t think we’re there yet. I think she still needs you and I think you need this too. We’ll adjust as things progress.” She patted my shoulder and sent me on my way.
I found Sutton sitting in the car, staring out the window. I walked over and knocked on the window. She reached over and unlocked the door so I could get in.
“I’m sorry for storming out that way,” she said, fumbling with her splint.
“I get it, Sutton. This is a lot to deal with. I don’t expect for you to handle it flawlessly. Hey,” I tucked her hair behind her ear and she didn’t flinch away from me. I breathed a sigh of relief. “I don’t care how mad you get. I’ll never stop telling you how beautiful and perfect you are.” I kissed her forehead and she smiled at me. It was the saddest smile I’d ever seen though.
“Lennox, What am I going to do? I feel…lost.” Her breath stuttered.
“We’ll figure it out together. You’re not alone. Let’s go home and read all this stuff Dr. Adler gave us and talk. We’ll talk all fucking night if you want.”
“I do want to talk for once,” she answered. Her brown eyes found mine and I saw a glimmer of love and hope inside of them. I knew we’d be alright.
…
We read everything we could get our hands on about dissociative identity disorder when we got home. We read while we cooked dinner together, we read while we put an apple pie in the oven, we read while we sat on the couch and ate the apple pie.
Sutton was starting to recall the way she felt right before Margot took over but any memory of her as Margot was still absent. I wasn’t expecting miracles in a day though. I was just glad everything was brought to the light. It meant we were closer to figuring out what our new normal looked like.
“So you get headaches if Margot is trying to come through?” I asked her. I watched, hypnotized as she took off her clothes and changed into a soft cotton nightshirt that barely covered her round ass.
