Page 71 of Margot
“You’re lying, Lennox.” I sounded like a robot. Like a shell of myself. He couldn’t be telling the truth.
“Dr. Adler, can I talk to her alone? Please,” Lennox asked. I looked at him through blurry vision and tipped my head back to stare at the ceiling. If there was a creator out there, why the hell was he letting this happen to me?
I lifted my head when I heard the office door close. Lennox’s copper eyes were staring back at me. “Sutton, can you hear me?” He asked. I nodded absently. “You have to believe me. You’re Margot. I know it’s tough to grasp but you have to know the one thing I’d never do is cheat on you. I love you more than life itself.” He held my hands in his and kissed my knuckles like he always did. It made me melt into a puddle of tears.
“Please don’t cry, beautiful. Listen, when I saw you that first night at the bar I thought we made a breakthrough. I thought you were role-playing. I thought so many things. I thought maybe you were working through the list Dr. Adler asked us to make of things we’d never done before.
You were so different. You were so free. And fuck…you were beautiful. You touched me, you kissed me, and you didn’t tense up. You let me inside of you freely. For the first time ever you wanted me and I didn’t have to beg for you.
I was on cloud nine. I had a hunch something was wrong when I saw the first note you left me and your handwriting was totally different. I thought it was a part of the game so I played along.” Lennox let out a dry, humorless chuckle and shook his head.
“I knew something was fucking wrong when you didn’t want to touch me anymore once the sun came up. You went back to being cold. You went back to being scared to death. I didn’t think you’d role-play anymore but you showed up again and again as Margot.
I shouldn’t have, but I fell into it. I started falling in love with you on another level, Sutton. I didn’t want there to be anything wrong with you. I wanted it to be a game. An exercise you were using that would help you express yourself.”
“Lennox, this is too elaborate of a lie…”
“That’s because it’s not a fucking lie. I know you’ve noticed the way your body has felt over the past week, Sutton. I’ve made love to you constantly. You can’t feel that?” He asked, his eyes shining with tears.
“I don’t know what I’ve felt lately. I’ve been so focused on you cheating on me.” When he mentioned it though, I did recall my body feeling sore the entire vacation. What the hell was going on?
“You’re telling me that all this time it’s been me? Lennox, I don’t remember hanging out with you every night. I don’t remember us making love, I don’t…” I let the tears roll freely as I recalled more slices of memory where we had sex. My brows crashed together and I looked at him.
“I’m not crazy.” My voice was so tiny.
“You’re not. Youarefractured though, Sutton. I hoped to hell that wasn’t the case but then everything got worse. I knew you didn’t remember being Margot when you started accusing me of cheating. I knew things were way deeper than I wanted to admit but I was too selfish to bring it up to you.
I was finally getting the real you and it felt like a fucking dream. I didn’t want to let go.” He fumbled around until he pulled his phone out. “I have something to show you. It’s graphic but I know you won’t fully believe me without concrete evidence.”
I blinked away the tears, halfway afraid of what I’d see when he turned the phone to face me.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
Lennox and I were in a bathroom. I wore a green dress that was bunched around my waist while he pulled my hair and fucked me from behind. There was no other way to describe it.
My jaw dropped.
“Tell me what I want to hear, Margot.”
“Fuck me, Lennox.”
I looked directly into the mirror so the camera caught my expression.
He was telling the truth.
I was Margot all along.
I couldn’t deny it after it was thrust in my face.
“What am I supposed to do now? Why is this happening to me, Lennox? Am I losing my mind?”
“No. You’re not. We do need to talk to Dr. Adler about this though. You need to understand what you’re dealing with and why.” As if on cue, the doctor knocked and poked her head in the office.
“Are you two okay in here?” She asked. I was thankful that her voice was still gentle and nonjudgmental because I felt like a total asshole after I stormed in and accused her and Lennox of having an affair.
“So far.” Lennox sat beside me on the couch and I wanted to crawl into his lap and kiss him over and over. I wanted to apologize and tell him that he didn’t have anything to feel bad for.
“Sutton, was Lennox able to get through to you about Margot?” Hearing her name still grated on my nerves. It hadn’t sunk in yet that she and I were one and the same.
