Page 64 of Margot
“I know I’m being selfish with you.” I stood up and placed my hands on her full hips while I looked into her eyes. My stomach flopped.
I was so fucked up.
I needed help.
Sutton needed help.
Our marriage needed help.
Instead, I was sating my hunger and quenching my thirst. It wasn’t just a carnal hunger anymore though. Margot showed me love in a way Sutton was becoming incapable of doing.
“I don’t want to end this. I don’t know what ending this means and I’m so deep in,” I said, touching her warm face, stroking her cheek with my thumb.
“Then be selfish. Don’t let me go. You have no idea how dark it gets without any fucking light to see by. You’re my light, Lennox.”
“Why is it so dark, Margot? Is it dark in your head? Are you depressed?” I kissed her knuckles and stroked her long hair. When she laid her head against my chest, my heart thundered to life.
“I’m so fucking depressed, I’m drowning in it. I don’t know what to do but I do know that when I met you, everything changed.” I squeezed her tight and walked her into my office. I don’t know why I suddenly needed privacy when I fucked her openly in the lobby of the building.
“Can you tell me why you think your last relationship ended?” I remembered that I wanted to talk to Margot and try to get inside of her head to understand her better. I understood her energy more than I understood her thoughts.
“I told you. I was self-centered.”
“Did he break up with you?” I quizzed.
“No…he kind of drifted away. Things weren’t the same. I don’t know, Lennox, everything is fuzzy.”
My heart ached for her so much. I sat down and pulled her on my lap. “I know a really great therapist, Margot. If I can get you in, will you talk to her? Her name is Dr. Adler.”
“You think I’m crazy,” she huffed and tried to stand up. I wouldn’t let her.
“No. I don’t. I think you’ve blocked off a lot though and she can help you bring some things to the surface.” She seemed to calm down once I started stroking her hair.
“Some things should stay buried, Lennox.”
“Things like what happened to you when you were little?” She nodded in response and I tried to breathe through the tightness in my chest. “Who hurt you, Margot? Was it your father? You said it was someone you trusted.”
“It wasn’t my father. He was like a father though.” Even talking about it made her turn stiff as a board. I hated it. I wanted her to relax again. Feeling her freeze up reminded me of Sutton and that’s what I was trying to avoid.
I dropped kisses on her shoulders and she softened. “I’ll talk to the doctor if you think she’ll help,” Margot sighed.
“She will.” I took my time staring at her face in the darkness just to commit it to memory. She was so different from Sutton. She smelled different, she treated me differently, she laughed differently. I was in awe of how she could be so gorgeous.
I was losing my fucking mind.
I know I shouldn’t have but I sat and talked to Margot for hours before forcing myself to send her home. I fought with myself so that I didn’t make love to her one more time. I knew better though.
I sent her on her way with a kiss on the forehead and anI love youthat vibrated from my chest. I watched her pull off, leaving behind tire tracks in the snow that was now sticking to the road. I was sinking in trouble and everything I did was wrong but I couldn’t stop myself from jumping head first off the cliff.
…
