Page 59 of Margot
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
LENNOX
Being back in Baltimore was both sobering and welcoming. Snow pounded the ground. The sky was a concrete wall of gray. The cold air bit through my coat as I walked up the steps to the house.
I missed the eighty-five-degree weather in Honolulu instantly.
The moment I unlocked the door, Sutton breezed by me and headed straight for the Steinway. It was like her child.
The thought of children made my stomach tighten with dozens of knots. Was it so fucking wrong to want a family with my wife? I lugged our bags inside while I listened to her pluck away at the keys.
Something about the sound of her playing with one hand was haunting. It was as if only half of her was there even though I knew all of her wanted to play the piano. After I took the suitcases in our bedroom, I stood and watched her. Her injured hand rested gently in her lap while she ran scales with her good hand.
My fingers burned to run through her hair feeling the silky strands. She was still most beautiful when she played. Even if it was just practice with one hand.
I walked over to the piano and she didn’t look up. She was lost in her favorite place. Somewhere between notes and treble clefs. I moved behind her and quenched the thirst of my burning fingers. I ran them through the ends of her hair and she pounded her fist on the keys hitting sour notes that made me back the fuck off immediately.
“Lennox, can you not?” She snapped angrily, her entire body rigid with annoyance. It was like a slap to the face.
I lowered my hand slowly and went into the bedroom, slamming the door behind myself.
Sutton wondered why the fuck I was acting like she caused all the problems in our marriage. It was because she did. I was getting tired of the back and forth. My heart and spirit were getting worn out from not knowing which side the coin would land on everyday. She was becoming unhinged and it wasn’t because of anything I’d done.
I refused to feel bad about Margot. Shit, I thought about her the entire flight back to Maryland. I thought about how if I were with her, things would have been so much easier.
Yes, she had her own baggage but she let me get close enough to help her unpack it. Not Sutton. Sutton snapped at me and the longer time went on, the worse her bite became.
I didn’t know how much longer I could stay in the same house with her. Clearly, something was wrong but I knew there was nothing I could do to fix it. Sutton would have to come outside of herself to get that done.
Instead of fussing with her, I decided to unpack. I knew trying to compete with the piano was pointless. It was just as pointless as trying to tell her she shouldn’t be playing with one hand.
Once all the dirty clothes were in the hamper and the suitcases were put away, I called Dr. Adler to let her know we were back from vacation.
“Well, how was it, Lennox?” She sounded so excited for us. I hated to have to tell her how fucked up the entire week was.
“It was…so-so. It definitely showed me that coming to you was the right thing to do.”
“Did you and Sutton get closer? Did she relax?” Dr. Adler took a deep breath and chuckled. “I apologize for hurling questions at your head. Don’t even answer them. Take time to unwind and I will see you two in a few days.”
“Dr. Adler, that’s why I called. I was wondering if you could get us in before our scheduled appointment. I know you’re busy but Sutton is driving me up a wall and…” I realized I didn’t hear the one-handed notes being played anymore and I looked over my shoulder.
Sutton stood by the bed listening to my every word and I felt like shit.
Fuck.
“Lennox, are you still there?” Dr. Adler said. I stared into Sutton’s brandy-brown eyes and sighed heavily.
“Yeah, Doctor, I’m here. Do you think we can get an earlier appointment?” I asked, still locked onto Sutton’s brown pools.
“Call my secretary and have her fit you in for tomorrow.”
“Okay, thank you.” We said our goodbyes then I ended the call. I tossed my phone on the bed and let my shoulders slump a bit. “Sutton…”
“No, don’tSuttonme, Lennox. I’m driving you up a wall? Really? Did you tell her that while we were in Hawaii you were busy cheating on me? Did you tell her that I’m just too damn difficult and you hate me now?” Tears spilled over the red rims of her eyes and I kicked myself for not hearing her open the door. I should have locked it.
“Sutton, I love you but you know damn well we’re struggling right now.”
“Yes! We are! Because you can’t keep your dick in your pants!”
