Page 30 of Margot
“So, you two are having intimacy problems, I see that in my notes.” Dr. Adler said after Lennox mentioned how closed off I’d become. I squirmed in my seat and crossed my legs a bit.
“Yes,” he said with a nod.
“I’ve been practicing a lot,” I explained. “I got an offer to play with the New York Philharmonic so I bumped myself up to twelve hour days and…”
“You mean that you practice for twelve hours a day?” Dr. Adler asked.
“Yes, I do.”
“To be fair, Sutton, you were becoming increasingly closed off before that offer. You wouldn’t even let me touch your hair without flinching away or giving me that hands-off smile,” Lennox interjected with a sigh. Shame burned into my chest and smeared crimson on my cheeks.
“I’ve just been overwhelmed,” I stammered, looking down at my hands. Having my business displayed in the office of someone I just met was making my skin hot and prickly. I tucked wisps of loose hair behind my ear and stretched my neck a bit.
“I imagine that since you’ve broken your finger you’ll probably be even more overwhelmed. As much as I know this situation is devastating for you, Sutton, I’m starting to feel that this is also the exact thing you need.” My brows bunched together at her words.
The exact thing I needed?
“I don’t understand how me breaking my finger one week away from the offer of a lifetime is exactly what I need.”
“You need time off. Would you have taken a vacation otherwise?” I hated how even her tone was. It lacked judgment even though I searched high and low for it.
“I-I may have,” I stuttered, shrugging my shoulders.
“Sutton, I can’t remember the last time you took time off. I definitely can’t remember the last vacation we took,” Lennox huffed. I rolled my eyes at him and pulled my shoulders back a bit.
“Okay so, even if I needed time off, this isn’t how I wanted it. I would have gladly just taken a vacation.”
“Sometimes, Sutton, things don’t work out the way we planned and we have to learn to accept that. When we’re burned out, we lash out at loved ones. We close ourselves off and we double down on the very things we need to step away from. I think that’s what you’ve been doing.
I think a vacation while you heal could be the very thing to shed some much-needed light into your marriage. Besides, you don’t want to heal at home and constantly stare at your piano while you can’t play. You don’t want the temptation. You also don’t want your home to be a source of resentment where you mope around daily.” Dr. Adler smiled a bit and looked at us.
“I could go for a vacation,” Lennox said, stretching his long legs out in front of him.
“What about you, Sutton? How would you feel about going on a vacation with Lennox?” Dr. Adler asked, angling her body toward me.
“I have things I need to do. I can’t just pick up and leave to go on vacation.”
“What do you need to do while your finger is broken?” Lennox asked.
“I have to notify BSO and the Philharmonic that I won’t be playing,” I said, waving my good hand in the air.
“And after that? What are your obligations?” Dr. Adler asked. I hated that I couldn’t come up with a single thing. Finally, I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.
“Nothing I guess.”
“How does taking a vacation while your finger heals make you feel?” Dr. Adler asked me. Her green eyes made me fidget, tugging on the sleeve of my shirt.
“I don’t know. It makes me feel like I’m being lazy when there’s work to be done.”
“You’re unable to do any work right now, Sutton. Your finger is broken. You can, however, spend time working on your marriage. That’s why you two decided to come here in the first place right?” Lennox and I nodded. “Well then, I want to kick things off by giving you a few exercises to do if you choose to take a vacation. I don’t have many requirements for the vacation, just that it be outside of your house.”
Dr. Adler wanted us to write down things we loved about each other. She wanted us to do something together that we’ve never done while we were on vacation, and she wanted us to write down any flaws we saw in ourselves that we thought hindered our marriage from growing.
Once she gave us our assignments, our session was over and I didn’t know how to feel. She assured me that it was only the first session and she wanted me to give it a few tries before I decided one way or another. Lennox and I agreed then took our assignments and notes and left her office. We set up a follow-up for three days after we got back from vacation.
Everything seemed so real after that. There was no backing out. There was no burying myself in piano. I had to face reality and I didn’t know how I’d do.
…
