Page 109 of Margot
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My fingers tingled as I sent her a message asking her to meet me somewhere for lunch. My practice break was almost over and I really shouldn’t have been taking extra time away from the piano but I had to. This was worth it.
I’d cut down my practice hours if it meant I was getting closer to having that monster locked away. So, I got dressed in simple jeans and t-shirt, pulled my long hair back into a ponytail, and got ready to go. I waited for some sort of comment from Margot about the plain way I was dressed but I heard nothing.
She must have been okay with it given the circumstances.
I met with Theresa in a small Mexican restaurant right outside of Baltimore. When I arrived, she was already seated. She was a short woman with a round face and curious eyes. She looked like she had a lot of questions. I tried not to but I went in with my guard elevated.
Theresa smiled when she saw me. I thought I would have to introduce myself but she popped up quickly with an outstretched hand the moment she saw me approach the table. Her handshake was tight and her grin was toothy. My guard inched up a little higher.
Even though I’d become much more comfortable since getting to know Margot, I still got nervous in social situations where I was one-on-one with strangers. This was no different.
“Hi, Theresa,” I said as I took a seat.
“Sutton, wow. It’s so nice to meet you. You’re the reason I chose Mr. DuBois for piano lessons for my daughter. The moment I walked in and saw your picture on his wall, I was convinced.” My stomach turned at her words. I hated it. I hated that he still had any pictures of me on his walls knowing what the fuck he did to me.
Memories turned my tongue bitter. Margot had done an excellent job imparting all the emotions and feelings attached to everything that happened when I was under his tutelage. Now it made me sick to think about for even a second.
“When you reached out to me, I felt like I was in a dream. I mean not a good one obviously since you said Mr. DuBois was into some shady things but…still. So, what is he doing? Stealing money or something?” She leaned forward on her elbows and I leaned back in my seat a bit. Her energy was overwhelming me.
I made myself calm down and steady my breathing so I could reach out for Margot. She was so deep in the forest though. I felt her but I didn’t have time to start a full-blown meditation session, so I didn’t try anymore.
“Um, it’s deeper than that, Theresa,” I began slowly. A server approached our table and I only ordered water. I don’t think I could handle much else.
“Oh wow, what is it? Did he lie about his credentials? He said he graduated from Julliard and…”
“No, his credentials are legit. When I was his student, he did some pretty awful things to me.”
“Like what?” Theresa’s eyes grew wide.
“He molested me.” The word rape was still so harsh that I chickened out when I had to use it. It made me feel dirty and foolish. It weighed my tongue down like a cinder block.
Theresa’s brows knitted together as if she were placing puzzle pieces together.
“Hemolestedyou? Sweet, old Mr. DuBois? No.” Her laugh was like a cold slap in the face. “Listen, I’m going to stop you right here, Sutton. If you’re trying to get some kind of twistedMe Toocampaign going against Mr. DuBois, I want no parts of it. My daughter hasn’t said anything about him molesting her and every single time I’m there he’s the epitome of professional. He’s going to make her a star. The same way he did with you.
I’d think you’d be more grateful. You’re like royalty in the classical music circuit and this is how you repay the man who got you there? You’re sick.
I’ll do you a favor and not mention this to that sweet old man. He’s too old to even fight something like what you’re doing. Meeting you was a mistake.” She grabbed her purse and slid out of the booth.
I opened my mouth and then closed it because I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt humiliated. I felt like I shouldn’t even try anymore because what was the damn point? I wiped away the tears in my eyes before they fell and sat there for a moment trying to gather my thoughts.
“Fuck her.” Margot’s voice swarmed me like wind blowing through leaves.
“Where were you?” I whispered, nearly breaking down. My fingers trembled on the tabletop so I balled them into fists.
“I’m here, Sutton. Let’s go home.” She was still far away but I didn’t care. She was there. I knew I’d probably get weird looks for muttering to myself in public so I hurried out of the restaurant and got in my car.
“Margot, why are you so far away?” I asked, clicking my seatbelt into place.
“I’m where I need to be. You need to go home and regroup.” She was right. I felt like I was spiraling just because of one failed attempt. I felt Margot’s presence while I drove and it helped to calm me down. By the time I got home, I was in dire need of music.
I rushed to the piano and planted my fingers on the keys. Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony flowed effortlessly from me. I didn’t even need to glance at the sheet music. I played by feel. I played with intensity even though the piece didn’t call for it.
I called for it.
I played like I was Margot.
I played until I was breathless and my hands were stiff. It must have been more than an hour because Lennox came home and I’d just finished.
“Hey, you okay?” He asked. He found me in the living room, staring out of the window with my arms wrapped around myself. The moment I saw his eyes, I spilled everything, tears and all. My emotions tore from my body to lay themselves bare and naked at his feet.
When I was done, he held me without words.
It was the medicine I needed.
It was the salve that soothed my raw heart.
…
