Page 103 of Margot
“You are. You just have to sit here for a minute. Long enough to realize that the piano isn’t what you’re mad at. The piano isn’t what your anger is attached to.” He stroked my hair and the tears started to fall.
How could simple words unravel me?
“He was the only person I’ve ever been with besides you, Lennox. When I got older, I told myself that I must like it because I kept finding myself on my fucking back.” Embarrassment forced my face into my hands.
“Margot, you didn’t like it. You were neverwithDuBois. He raped you repeatedly. Being with someone implies autonomy. You didn’t have that. You were captive. I’m the only person you’ve ever been with. You chose me.”
“Sutton chose you but dammit if she didn’t make the perfect fucking choice.” I sniffled and stood to my feet. The moment I did, the weight of anxiety lifted from my chest.
Hearing in plain words that I’d been raped for most of my childhood made me want to vomit. I swallowed back the hot bile and wiped my eyes. That monster didn’t deserve my tears.
I knocked back my Hennessy and gripped the glass in my hand. “That was so fucking hard,” I confessed.
“You did it though. I’m proud of you,” Lennox hugged me and slid his hands up and down my sides. “I’m going to get what’s left of dinner together and we can eat dinner in bed and watch TV.”
“Can I light the fireplace? It’s so pretty,” I smiled a little feeling the brown liquor surge through my veins.
“You got it.” He winked at me and I thought I would cover his mouth with my pussy. I refrained though.
I had to write to Sutton.
I stretched out on the soft king-sized bed and flipped open the journal.
Sutton,
How the fuck do you expect me to practice ten hours a day when all I can do is turn into a damn basket case at the piano? You’re gonna suck ass at your concerts if you leave me in control. I know you know what I’m writing.
Wait…
Can you see this? If you can…come back. I can’t do this shit with the piano.
Love,
Margot
Sutton was quiet as a fucking mouse. I searched for her while I ate dinner and watched TV with Lennox but she wouldn’t come out of hiding. She was forcing me to deal with everything I wanted to hide from.
…
“So, Sutton is leaving you at the helm, huh?” Lennox asked. It had been so long since I woke up as myself. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes then focused on his handsome face.
“How do you know I’m not Sutton?” I quizzed.
“Because Sutton is always up before me and at the piano by now.” He chuckled and fastened a blue tie around his neck.
“She’s forcing me to play the piano. I don’t think I can do it. She wrote her schedule down and this shit is insanity. I knew she spent a lot of time at the piano but not ten hours a day.”
“Yeah, she’s dedicated and it shows. You can do it, Margot. Just sit there again until you can’t stand it anymore. If you need a change of scenery, come see me, okay?” He pulled me to my feet and tugged on my hair a little, forcing a smile onto my face when I was determined to frown.
“Okay. I can do that.” I didn’t want him to leave but I knew I couldn’t be selfish and ask him to stay with me all day guarding me against the big bad piano in the living room.
My body tensed when I heard the front door close.
I was alone.
I walked into the kitchen and eyed the Steinway from my vantage point. It looked a little less imposing today but I still didn’t like that shit.
I made myself a cup of coffee and walked by it again. This time, I lingered near the bench and tried to chase away the feelings of fear telling me to run the other way.
