Page 102 of Margot
She was finally loosening up. I didn’t even realize I was smiling until my cheeks started to burn. I sucked in a breath and wrote back to her.
Sutton,
I can tell just by reading your entries that you’ve started to let go of a lot. I need to get on board with you. If we don’t heal together then we don’t heal at all. So, I’m going to sit at the piano today and I’ll get back to you.
Love,
Margot
I was about to close the journal when I noticed Sutton wrote out her piano schedule on the back of one of her entries. At first, I thought maybe she did it because she didn’t have any other paper at the time but then I realized she left the schedule for me.
Sutton didn’t plan on being in control for a few days at least and she wanted me to practice on her behalf.
Fuck.
I shut my eyes and tried to reach into the depths of my mind. I sat on the bed for a long time meditating but Sutton never popped into my thoughts. She was an expert at hiding.
I thoughtIwas good.
She had me beat.
Once I realized she wasn’t showing face, I went to clean up the scorched veggies on the stove. I did anything to avoid sitting at the piano until Lennox got back with my liquid courage. I was going to need it.
I tossed the charred purple, red and orange carrot slices in the trash then washed the pan out. The Steinway was still sitting in the living room. It spread out on all sides, black and imposing. It smiled at me with white and black keys for teeth.
Memories nearly shattered my spirit. Shards of glass nicked my sanity and I felt tears stinging my eyes.
“Okay, I got you a bottle,” Lennox’s voice yanked me back from the edge of depression and I was so grateful. I bolted into his strong arms and he stood stunned for a second. “You okay, baby?” He smoothed my hair back and kissed my forehead. God, he was so sweet and so…perfect.
“I need that drink,” I let out a shaky laugh and Lennox nodded. We went into the kitchen and sat at the table. He poured me a glass and I knocked it back like water then slid the glass across the table for another.
“Shit, okay…” He poured me another drink and I grabbed it in my hand then stood to my feet. I was going to face my fucking fears even if I was drunk while I did it. My head buzzed and I felt a rush of confidence.
It was Sutton.
Thanks, girl.
I stood in front of the Steinway trying to ignore the sickening way my stomach tied itself in knots. “You want some privacy?” Lennox asked from behind me.
“No,” I said quickly. “Stay.” I felt his hands on my shoulders and I was tethered to the world again. With each step I took toward the piano, my feet became hardened brick. I trudge up to the bench and looked down at it.
I could smell DuBois’ cologne.
I could feel the soft fabric of his sweater.
I could hear his shallow breathing in my ear.
My head buzzed softly.
It was Sutton again. I knew it. Nothing that existed in my head could ever make me calm in the face of the piano.
“It’s okay, Margot,” Lennox assured me. I nodded in response and tried to swallow. My throat was so damn dry and tight though.
I set my glass on top of the piano and then slid in front of the bench. With my eyes closed, I sat down and tried not to crash into a wall of horrific memories. Each breath I took rattled my chest.
“Margot, you’re doing great.”
“I don’t feel like I’m doing great,” I told Lennox.
