Page 9 of Nocturnal Sins
“Fine. I’m not a virgin anymore, Santana. Happy? Shit.”
“When the fuck did that happen?” His eyes softened and his gaze flitted all over my face as if he were committing me to memory or at least who I was before I lost my virginity.
“Right after you went back to school last summer. I was at a party. I didn’t tell the guy I was a virgin. I wanted to get it over with. It wasn’t special and I didn’t want it to be,” I explained. I rushed my words together in hopes that if I laid everything out quickly, he’d go easier on me.
Santana’s mouth turned down and his eyes grew distant. I hated that look. It reeked of disappointment.
“I don’t regret it,” I told him, hoping to soften the blow. I never looked at my virginity as something precious. To me, being a virgin was the lack of sexual experience.
When I wanted to experience sex…I was done being a virgin.
“You don’t regret losing your virginity at a party to a guy you don’t even talk to anymore, Sam?”
“No, I don’t. He served his purpose. I’d rather have enjoyable sex with someone I care about. The first time sucked and it was insanely uncomfortable. When I find a guy who knows what he’s doing, I want him to show me too. I want to learn without everything hurting.”
Santana pushed out a sigh and looked up at me, curling his long fingers around the base of my neck. “Was he gentle with you at least?” He asked.
“He didn’t have to do anything. I was on top.” A smirk danced all over my face. This time when the corners of his mouth turned down it was due to him being impressed. A soft blush heated my neck.
“Little Sammie got on top her first time? Shit. That takes some balls. I’ve heard girls complain about how bad their first time hurts and I’ve heard them complain about being on top even when they’re not virgins so…you’re pretty badass.” For some reason, that compliment took flight in my chest and stomach and I couldn’t stop smiling.
“Have you ever taken a girl’s virginity?” I asked, draping my arms around his neck.
“Once. I didn’t want to though.”
“Yeah…sure, Santana. Some chick spreads her legs for you and begs you to take her virginity and you’re like nah…I’m good.” I tipped my head back and painted the room with laughter. It made Santana laugh too.
He tugged on my ponytail and I pouted a bit. There was that thing I couldn’t put my finger on again. It flared to life in his eyes and I couldn’t be certain but it might have flared to life in mine too.
“I didn’t want to take her damn virginity. When you take a girl’s virginity she gets clingy.” He reflected on the entire situation like it left a sour taste in his mouth. Not sour like a lemon but like bad milk.
I frowned by default.
“I didn’t get clingy with the guy that took mine,” I countered.
“You’re different. If I took your virginity I probably wouldn’t have minded.” I could hear brakes screeching to a halt in my mind and the same thing must have been going on in his too.
His eyes went wide but he recovered quickly. “I mean…you know I didn’t mean it like that,” he finally said.
“Mean what like what?” I quizzed with my eyes trained on his every move.
“Nothing, Sammie.” He groaned, rubbing his forehead. Something about his words made the dark spark inside of me smolder though. I tried to snuff out the heat but it wouldn’t budge so I ignored it.
“So, you’ve taken a girl’s virginity before…how come you never told me?” I pushed my fingers through his silky black hair. He shrugged his broad shoulders and slid his palms down my sides.
“I didn’t want to do it in the first place,” he told me.
“You’re not a fuck boy though, Santana. You wouldn’t have sex with a girl then leave her high and dry. Now, which one of your girlfriends was it?” I quizzed. I studied the thick cords in his strong neck while he decided if he wanted to divulge the answer to my question or not.
I couldn’t help sliding my fingertips down his throat, letting them glide over his Adam’s apple. He pulled my hand away and nipped at my fingers, making me laugh. “It was Maria,” he finally said after what seemed like eons.
“Maria? Oh god, she was like a puppy dog following your ass around. Now I get it,” I said, tossing my hand in the air. Santana wanted to break up with her so bad but I never knew why.
“She was crazy clingy. I couldn’t take it. I was scared I was going to have to marry her.” Santana was laughing. I wasn’t. The thought of him marrying anyone made me uncomfortably hot and I hated it.
“Marry her? What the fuck for?” I blurted.
“Because I felt like shit dumping her because she was clingy. You know I have a soft spot for women…especially pretty ones.” He touched my cheek and stared at me.
