Page 28 of Nocturnal Sins
“Have you lost your damn mind speaking to me like that, Samira?” Papa asked in a low voice that used to scare me. Now, it signaled a challenge and I was up for it. I was tired of not speaking up. I was tired of not letting my true self be seen.
Why the fuck was I hiding and trying to be perfect for Papa when he was leading an entire double life right under my nose. Clearly, being two-faced came naturally.
“No. I found my mind. I’m going to start acting like it too. I’m not a little girl anymore, Papa. I think we all need to come to that conclusion. You did some fucked up shit keeping something so enormous from me and I’m going to be upset about it. Santana is going to be upset about it too and there’s nothing you can do. You can’t scare us out of experiencing our own emotions.
You don’t get to do that. Let us go through it without the threat of punishment or retaliation.”
I glanced at Santana and he smiled in my direction. His handsome face radiated pride and it made a bouquet of warmth blossom in my chest. Papa didn’t look too proud though. His shoulders were tight and his spine was stiff and straight as he glared at me. He tossed the expression over to Santana next.
“Everyone better have cooler heads in the morning because this talk is not over with.”
“It’s not over by a long shot, Pop.” Santana stood up and folded his arms. A small shiver rolled over me, watching his chest puff out. Was amazed that his presence quieted the rage brewing in Papa.
There was a mini stare-off before Papa stalked to his room, slamming the door. Once he was out of sight, I looked at Santana and let my eyes take in his features. “Thank you,” I said quietly.
“I couldn’t keep that shit from you anymore, Sammie.” He cleared the table of glasses then guided me to the steps with his hand on the small of my back. My skin heated up wherever his touch landed.
We found ourselves in his room, on his bed, talking in the dark. It’s how we got everything off our chests. It’s how we confessed to each other.
In a way, Santana was like my religion. Since our family was Catholic I was used to having confession with the Father but I never bared my soul as much as I did in the dark with Santana. That’s where I was free.
“I hate that Papa is mad at you of all people,” I told him, finding his hand in the dark.
“He’ll get over it. Nobody likes being exposed.”
“I can’t believe he’s a fucking kingpin. Let me guess, when you got kicked out of school for selling drugs, he realized he needed you selling his shit and not the competition’s?” I asked, finding Santana’s shining black eyes with mine. He gave me a nod that confirmed what I believed.
“I don’t mind working for Pop. I actually like it. I just hate the secrecy. If we’re this powerful ass family then let’s be powerfultogether. He’s trying to control circumstances that are outside of his grasp. He can’t control if I’m going to be like him or not. He can’t control if you’re going to be a perfect little accountant.”
“Yeah, because let me be honest with you…fuck that shit. Fuck Dartmouth and accounting and everything he wants for me. I want to figure out what the fuck I want for myself.” I paused a beat and said, “You know, Santana?” His arm slid around my waist and he pulled me closer. Good. I wanted to be closer. “If someone were to ask me what I wanted to do with my life, I would have no fucking idea what to say to them. None.” I made a sweeping gesture with my hand for emphasis.
“You’re so used to spitting out what Pop has been feeding you your entire life.” Santana gave my middle a squeeze and I nearly lost my breath. I slid my bare legs against his and he let his hand roam up the back of my shirt.
“I get that he wanted to protect us but after a certain point, we have to protect ourselves and make our own decisions,” I said with a sigh.
“So, after learning about everything are you going to Dartmouth to be a perfect little student?” His voice was full of mischief.
“Fuck. That. Shit.” I laughed and slid my fingers along his chiseled jaw. Santana’s fingers danced up my thigh causing my breath to hitch in my throat.
Shit…
Did everything Santana touch burst into flames? That’s what the hell it felt like.
“Pop is going to be pissed when you tell him you don’t want to go.”
“I need to figure out what it is that I want and he really can’t fault me.”
Things fell quiet for a few beats then Santana switched topics. “Thank you for standing up for me in the kitchen. You know I can handle myself though, right?” His fingers were inches away from the hottest, wettest part of me and I could barely contain myself.
I squirmed beside him, willing his fingers to brush against my pussy. My clit was so stiff and swollen and I had no idea when it got that way. It was begging for Santana’s touch though.
“I know but…you’re my brother and…”
“I’m your what?” He cut me off. His lips dancing dangerously close to my neck. Heat prickled my skin. I could feel the crimson it insisted on leaving in its wake. My breath was shallow as a puddle when his ebony eyes drilled into me.
“Brother,” I panted. He pushed my legs apart and my desire swam in the air. Santana’s massive body hovered over mine, eclipsing me in his shadow. The grumble snaking through his chest made me tremble like a leaf in the wind.
I’d been close to Santana nearly every day of my life until he went off to college. I sat on his lap. I kissed his cheek. I slept in his bed. I danced with him and laughed with him every day of my fucking life.
