Page 72 of Tortured Whispers
**
Over the next few weeks, I started to regain more use of my fingers and hands with the help of physical therapy. I started going back to school too even though the principal offered me the learn-at-home option. Cease and Dr. Hollows told me it would be perfectly fine to take it but I wanted to prove to myself that I could be brave and face school again. I had to.
It wasn’t that bad going back either. The noise and the kids rubbed me the wrong way, but I was okay. Knowing I’d see Caesar at the end of the day was enough for me to keep pushing.
“Sandy sent me an email letting me know what time we should be at the courthouse for the trial in the morning. How are you feeling?” Cease asked me. I grabbed a yellow bowl from the cabinet and dumped fresh popcorn inside. We were having movie night and I picked the snack.
“Pumped,” I smiled and stood on my tiptoes to kiss his lips.
“Are you going to be okay sitting in the courtroom?” He quizzed.
“Yes, Cease. I’m going to be okay. It’s not going to be easy but it’ll be okay. I think she’ll get convicted.”
“I think so too.” He took the bowl from my hands and we moved into our room where he put on Netflix. I snuggled up beside him and laid my head on his chest.
I needed one more moment of calm before I walked into the drama tomorrow. I knew there would be cameras everywhere. Everyone would try to get a statement and all eyes would be on me.
My anxiety was through the roof but I still had no desire to cut. I did briefly wonder if I’d have the desire when I laid eyes on Ashley but fuck that. I couldn’t let her control one more aspect of my life.
I let the feeling of Cease playing in my hair soothe me until my breathing returned to normal and I focused on the movie. There would be enough time for nerves in the morning.
**
Sandy picked out a blue and white dress for me to wear on the first day of Ashley’s trial. She told me that blue was a trustworthy color and she wanted people to look at me and see a victim whose word could be trusted. I wore it because I trusted Sandy. She hadn’t steered me wrong yet.
I slid my arms through the white cardigan I picked out to wear over top of it and looked at myself in the mirror. Cease was in the kitchen with Dr. Hollows and I wanted to ask him how I looked but I changed my mind. I stared at myself with unblinking eyes.
My posture was straight and I had that glow in my eyes that I loved to see so much. A light feeling settled in my chest. I was getting ready to make a major decision.
I shrugged out of the cardigan and tossed it on the bed. My scars were on full display in the short-sleeved dress and I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t have a care in the world. Going without the cardigan was fucking terrifying but I realized with all the shit that I’d been through…being scared didn’t stop the world from spinning.
