Page 66 of Reckless Chance
Sean turns his head to face me, a dark sadness in his eyes and his lips curved downward. He says, “That doesn’t sound like a compliment.”
“It’s a fact. You, me, Jerry—we aren’t into relationships. I vowed never to let a man cheat on me, and Jerry decided he’d never be happy with one partner for life.”
“Those aren’t my reasons,” he whispers.
I’m not sure he intended to say that out loud. Now I’m curious.
“Whatareyour reasons?”
“It doesn’t matter. The result is the same.”
“Please tell me. I promise never to share it with anyone outside this windowless hideaway. Wait a sec. There aren’t cameras in here are there?”
“There are cameras for security in case of a threat. You’ll be happy to know that I’m the only one who can activate them, and I didn’t.”
“Whew. The last thing I need is to be on a sex tape or have had a live audience in your security office.”
He glares at me. “You don’t think I’d do that to you, do you?”
“Not really. At least, not on purpose. You could have forgotten to turn the cameras off though.”
His features soften. “This is where I come for absolute privacy. All the cameras, including audio, are off by default. They only activate at my command. You’re safe here.”
I roll over and wrap my arm across his chest, planting a kiss on his lips. “Thank you. I’m sorry I doubted that you would protect me. It’s not easy for me to trust men after what my dad did to Mom.”
As I snuggle closer, he says, “I understand.”
“Now will you tell me why you avoid committing to anyone?”
“Yeah. My story is the exact opposite of yours and Jerry’s. My parents were the epitome of the perfect, happy couple. They met in college, married when they graduated, and were inseparable from that point forward.”
“Wouldn’t that make you want what they had?”
“In the beginning, yes. That changed when Mom died suddenly. Dad was crushed. It killed me to watch him grieve. He shut down emotionally and was never the same. He turned into an absolute workaholic and devoted himself to the Athena.
It was devastating to watch as a teenager. I promised myself that I’d never get that close to anyone, so I wouldn’t end up broken.”
“That’s sad. It’s odd how our parents’ polar-opposite marriages led us to similar views of love and relationships. To avoid what happened to them, we’ve thrown ourselves into work and vowed to lead commitment-free personal lives. It’s our way of ensuring history won’t repeat itself.”
“Yep. For entirely different reasons, we fear being hurt by love.”
“Are we missing out though? Look at Evan and Cassie. Sometimes I envy what they have.”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Was it Tennyson who said something like it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?”
“Tennyson sounds correct, but I never bought into that tenet in the past. Despite Dad’s pain, he did though. There’s always a chance he was right.”
“Who knows, but this conversation is getting too serious for my comfort level. I’m not ready to deal with these issues.”
“Ditto.”
I close my eyes. Insecurities suck. Regret could be even worse though. Sleep takes over and saves me from further self-analysis.
36
SEAN
