Page 122 of Snowed In With the Mountain Man
A little while later, they were curled up on Dahlia’s couch. She’d changed into pajama bottoms, and they’d picked up some beer and chips from a corner market. He was warm and cozy with Dahlia curled up against his side.
She cheered for something that happened in the game—he didn’t know, he was barely paying attention. All his focus was on the woman in his arms.
He meant to savor every second he had with her. With that thought, he dropped a kiss on the top of her head.
The move tore her attention from the game, and she smiled up at him as a commercial came on. “So, what do you think of the city?”
He didn’t hesitate. “It’s a concrete jungle.”
She winced. “Cold and hard like me, huh?”
“No. Not at all like you.” He shook his head. Frustration lanced through him. She was joking… mostly. But he hated the joke. It felt like she was verbally pushing him away. “Why do you say things like that?”
“Because it’s true.” She leaned away with a sigh. “I’m no forest. I’m not warm and colorful. I’m practical and organized.” She shrugged and reached for her bottle of beer, swigging it back before licking her lips and murmuring, “I don’t know how to be anything different.”
“Not true,” he argued. “You feel more deeply than anyone I know.”
Her frown was confused and kind of adorable. She really had no idea.
He grinned. “You’re just really good at hiding it.” He pulled her toward him, trailing kissing up her neck and along her jawline. “I love that you’re so strong. That you care so much.”
He felt her still in his arms. There was an awkward beat.
And then she said it.
“Please don’t fall in love with me,” she whispered.
He jerked back, pain searing through his chest at the words that sounded like they’d been torn out of her.
The light from her lamp was casting a haunting shadow across her face, but he searched her eyes, hoping she could read his mind… his heart.
Licking his lips, he reached forward and turned off the TV.
She didn’t even complain.
She just sat there, staring at him with a look he didn’t want to decipher.
“Too late,” he croaked. “It’s too late, Lia. Iamfalling in love with you.”
“We can’t… I can’t.” Her eyes were wide and… panicked.
He knew her well enough to recognize that gaze. She was scared, plain and simple. “You can’t love me… or you won’t?”
“I won’t.” She tried to move off the couch, but he wouldn't let her.
Gently holding her wrists, he kept her seated. “What are you so afraid of?”
She shook her head, staring down at their physical connection. “Love doesn’t work, JJ. Not for me. I’m not built like that. I can’t… I can’t let myself go. I never could and… I never can.”
“Maybe you just haven’t met anyone you trusted enough before,” he started.
She didn’t let him finish. “JJ, I don’t know how to love you.” She wasn’t quite meeting his gaze, and the frustration was back, tightening his gut. Anger too, but not toward Dahlia.
He wished he could go back in time and knock some sense into the father who abandoned her, the mother who didn’t get the help she needed… even the grandmother who hadn’t known how to show affection.
He wished he could go back and show her just how wonderful she was. How much she deserved. But he couldn’t change her past.
He only had the here and now, and if she’d just listen…
