Page 17 of Shelf-Made Man
Alfie nodded glumly as he toyed with his fork. “I suppose so. You’ve been patient with me, and you’re certainly entitled to hear the rest. Snjokarl is a prince as well, in the much larger and wealthier kingdom to our south. It makes him a powerful elf indeed, even though he has two older sisters and is therefore not the heir. I believe that since he cannot inherit the crown, he exerts his influence elsewhere.”
“Like on Kol.”
“Just so. My brother sees him simply as an ally, not a threat, and that’s been another point of contention between us. In any case, Snjokarl has done an excellent job of whispering in Kol’s ear and undermining everything my father attempted with him.” Alfie twisted his fork hard enough to bend it, then looked chagrined and set it down. “Where once Kol was only mildly interested in leaving the empire, now he’s become fixed on the idea. Obsessed,really.”
Tobias nodded. “Snjokarl radicalized him.”
“I suppose—” Alfie tensed suddenly, his wide-eyed gaze fixed on something over Tobias’s shoulder.
Chapter
Seven
Tobias twisted around and saw two large men entering the dining room. Well, one large man—who looked to be as big as Tobias—and oneenormousone. Tobias guessed they were in their seventies, and both were dressed in jeans and flannel. The comparatively smaller one had a long white ponytail and was clean-shaven, while the giant had an unwieldy cloud of steely curls and an impressive grizzled beard. He looked like Paul Bunyan’s grandfather. Both of them seemed robust despite the gray hair and wrinkles, and they had stopped in their tracks to stare back at Alfie and Tobias.
Heart racing, Tobias leaned toward Alfie and attempted to whisper. “Is that guy a troll?”
Frowning, Alfie shook his head. “He resembles a snjómaður, but not… exactly.” He didn’t appear alarmed, which was good. Tobias remembered that snjómaður meant yeti, and that Alfie had said they weren’t dangerous. But still.
The newcomers marched over to Tobias and Alfie’s table. “What are you?” demanded the maybe-yeti.
But then his companion elbowed him. “That’s kind of rude, Jerry.” He smiled. “Forgive us, gentlemen. We spend a lot of time in the forest. Sometimes we sort of forget how to act civilized.”
Even though Tobias was still trying to process this interaction, Alfie was unfazed. “It was a reasonable question. I was wondering the same of you, in fact. Forgive me for not standing and introducing myself properly. I’ve had a leg injury and prefer to remain seated.”
“Don’t worry about it. We?—”
“I’m Jerry,” the giant interrupted. He had a slight southern accent. “This is my partner, Art. Are you here to create any trouble?”
Alfie shook his head. “We’re simply passing through.”
By now, Tobias was slightly annoyed. “Are you guys cops or something? Because no offense, but you’re a little, uh….”
“Old,” Art finished for him with a chuckle. “Yep. And no, not cops. But Jerry was Forest Service—he’s retired now—and I’m retired from the Bureau of Trans-Species Affairs. We used to be law enforcement adjacent, and I guess we haven’t quite kicked the habit.”
Although Tobias had never heard of the weird-sounding bureau, it was a relief to know that he wasn’t the subject of a manhunt due to what had happened in Portland. At least not yet. “We’re having a quiet dinner, after which we’re heading back to our hotel room and going to sleep. We’ll be gone by morning.”
Jerry and Art exchanged looks, then Art nodded. “Look, your business is, well, none of our business. But your friend here says he’s hurt. If you need some help, we still know people in the Bureau who can help. Part of the Bureau’s responsibility is to assist non-human sentients when they’re in trouble.”
Non-human sentients?
Before Tobias could ask for more details, Alfie spoke up. “I thank you. But Tobias is assisting me wonderfully, and in any case my problems… well, let’s say they exist in a realm well outside the Bureau’s jurisdiction.”
Art shrugged. “Fair enough. We’ll let you eat in peace. I see that Camila’s about to bring you some chocolate cake. You’re gonna enjoy that.”
As the waitress approached the table, Art nodded and headed toward a vacant table near one of the windows. Jerry, however, stayed put and then, grinning, pointed at his foot. The biggest foot Tobias had ever seen. “Half,” Jerry said. “On my father’s side. You?”
Alfie tugged off his hat, revealing his pointed ears and making Jerry guffaw. “I’ll be darned. Well, I guess it’s the season.” Jerry turned his attention to Tobias. “What about you?”
“I’m just an ordinary man.”
“Huh. Well, all right. You two take care.” He gave them a salute before trundling off to join his partner.
Camila, of course, had also seen Alfie’s ears, but she simply shrugged. She set down the plates. “Enjoy!” she said and sailed away.
The cake was as wonderful as promised, but Tobias was too distracted to fully appreciate it. “Are there lots of, um, non-human sentients? Like… I don’t know.” He did a quick mental inventory of various movies and books. “Dragons and goblins and unicorns and merfolk and… and vampires and?—”
“I don’t know. This is your world, not mine.” Alfie licked some frosting off his fork, which almost distracted Tobias from his distraction. “We know quite a bit about you, just as you do about us, but I imagine both sides are stuffed with myths and misconceptions. I wish I’d had the opportunity to explore your world under happier circumstances.”
