Page 236 of Sticks and Stones
He was honest.
“If it was a man, I’d be okay. That it’s a woman, it scares me.”
Ethan was so confused.
“You’d let me have a fake date with a man when you’re a man, but not with a woman?”
He nodded.
“Yes.”
Ethan needed more.
“You gotta help me out on this. I’m obviously missing something.”
Gene figured he might as well be honest. Ethan wasn’t going to back down.
“I’m scared shitless that at some point, the straight part of you is going to see a woman, be attracted to her, and realize that you aren’t into me. Then, you’ll leave me behind.”
What?
That shocked him.
“I think I’m very into you,” Ethan admitted. “We’ve done just about everything that can be done in bed, with the exception of you taking my ass all the way. How could you think I’m not into you?”
He didn’t know.
“It’s an irrational fear. When we first met Sasha, she was flirting with you, and I was so afraid you’d check her out and leave me behind. You’ve spent your whole life straight until recently. I can’t risk you going back. I’ll never recover from it.”
Ethan was appalled.
“And you’re carrying this around with you? Every time I am near women, this is what you think?”
He nodded.
“In my defense, I told you it was silly.”
Ethan hated that Gene was carrying that. He didn’t think about anyone but him. There weren’t other men or women.
There was only Gene.
“I can’t bear to lose you to a woman. What we have…it’s the best thing in my life. The idea that you might wake up tomorrow and be turned off by being with a guy haunts me. It’s why I’m so careful when it comes to sex.”
What was this?
Was Gene holding back?
Now, Ethan was worried.
“What are you holding back?” he asked.
Gene was direct.
“If I hurt you during sex, I’m afraid you’ll never want to have sex with me again, and you’ll leave me.”
Jesus.
This was heavy, and had Ethan known he was carrying this burden, he would have stopped him.
