Page 1 of The Mountain Man's Mail Order Muse
CHAPTER
ONE
HUDSON
Fuck no.
The text hits my phone like a damn lightning bolt:“Your bride will be delivered by 3 PM.”
I blink at it, once, then again, like somehow my eyes are broken. The hell?
I’m sitting on the porch of my cabin, coffee in one hand, chainsaw oil in the other—getting ready to spend my day like I always do: fixing, cutting, building, surviving. Alone. Peacefully. No deliveries. Abso-fucking-lutely no brides.
The porch creaks gently beneath my boots as I anxiously rock in the old cedar rocking chair. It's quiet out here—reallyquiet—the kind of stillness you can only find this deep in the mountains. The kind that wraps around you like a thick quilt and slows everything down. There’s a soft breeze brushing against my face, carrying the scent of pine, damp earth, and distant wildflowers just starting to bloom in the fields below. But not even the mountains can distract me now.
I stare at the message, then laugh out loud. Some twisted joke, probably from Luke or Ben—those idiots would think this is hilarious.
Then the phone rings.
“Speak of the devil,” I mutter, answering with a grunt. “Luke. If this is your idea of a joke, it’s a dumb one.”
There’s silence for half a second on the other end. Then Luke clears his throat. “Okay, listen, Hud—don’t freak out.”
“Too late.”
“We meant to tell you earlier. We really did. It was gonna be this thing and?—”
“What the hell did you do?” I bark, standing so fast I knock over my mug. Hot coffee splashes across the porch. Don’t care. “That text I just got. You had something to do with that?”
Luke groans. “Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Remember a few months ago, when you said if one more person in town asked why you’re still single, you were gonna fake your own death and disappear?”
“That was not an invitation to order me awife! How do you even get a bride delivered?!?”
“We didn’torderanyone, per se…” he says quickly. “It’s a matchmaking agency. Mountain Mates. Totally legit. We just filled out a profile for you. Kind of as a joke. But then they matched you with a lovely woman looking to get married and, uh… moved fast. Real fast.”
“Great. Then you can unmove it.” I say.
“Well, the bridal contract doesn’t really?—”
I interrupt and grip the phone tighter, my jaw clenched so hard it aches. “You signed acontractwith a real person, Luke.”
“We used your name but figured we’d tell you before it got this far! We were going to warm you up to the idea. It was supposed to take a few damn months. But apparently, this woman—uh, Daisy—she liked your profile. Said she’s ready for a new life in the mountains. She’s been cleared. They booked her a damn shuttle. And she’ll be there today. Sorry, man.”
I can feel the vein in my temple start to throb.
“You call them.Right now. Cancel it. Send her back, give her flowers and an apology, I don’t care. I am not—not—letting some stranger show up thinking I’m her husband.”
“We can’t just cancel it. There’s, like, legal stuff. It’s not… simple.”
“I live in the middle of nowhere for a reason, Luke,” I growl, pacing now, staring at the tree line like maybe I can outrun this. “I don’t want a bride. I don’t want anyone showing up with a suitcase and some bull shit idea ofhappily ever after.”
“She’s already on her way, man. You can tell her to her face.”
My heart drops to the soles of my boots. “No, Luke, you can get your ass over here and explain the bullshit you’ve pulled and explain it to her yourself.”
“Hud,” he adds carefully, “you’ve been alone a long time. You might actually like her. And I’m out of town—I won’t be back until tomorrow.”
“I don’t care if she’s a goddess made in my image—I didn’t ask for this.”
