Page 136 of Trials of Dusk and Dreams
His head leans back against the wall, and he fists himself through his pants. “This is what you do to me. All I have to do is breathe the same air as you, and this happens. It sickens me. You sicken me. You are not freedom. You’re another cage.”
“I’m sorry you think that.”
His shoulders slump, and he lets go of himself. “You can either go in there, walk through all our darkest memories, risk insanity . . . or stay here and prove I’m right. But I’ll still make you crawl to me. Beg for it.”
“That’s not really a choice, is it?”
“Now you’re catching on.” His long lashes flutter, and he sighs. “There’s no point denying it. No one controls their fate. You can’t go in there any more than I can resist you out here.”
“You think I won’t do it?” I spit back at him. “You think I don’t have what it takes to go in there, witness who you all really are, and still love you afterward?”
A cruel laugh escapes him. “This is not about love. It’s not about enduring the suffering. It’s about the pain,” he says, “and the fear. You think you know us, little moth. You think you wantto be with us because the gods threw us together. You have no idea what we’ve done. You have no idea what we still want to do. But if you walk through that door, you’ll see what it’s like to be with us . . . it won’t be love,” he says, his voice full of pity. “We’d destroy you, pull you apart. It is in our nature. This is what we’re made for.”
We stand there, staring at each other. He’s waiting for me to make the first move.
“Why don’t you go in first?” I suggest. “Or is this all a lie?”
“I’ve already been in.” He lifts his chin. “If I go twice, I might end up like Varen.”
I gasp. The Clock Tower, the moving castle, Varen’s insistence that the honeycombs are broken and need to be repaired . . . Emrys always telling Varen to shut up, ripping his scribblings from the walls.
“All this time,” I growl. “You knew this castle is linked to your bindings, to the seals stifling your powers. This is what Varen has been trying to tell us.”
His eyes glitter, nostrils flaring.
“Styx found out, didn’t he?” I say. “And that’s how he ended up getting turned to stone. You didn’t want him to tell everyone else, so you told Titania he knew.” My mind races, eyes darting to and fro as information bombards me. “He was confused and forgetful when he came out of the stone. But he insisted he was set up. He must have remembered recently. He dropped me near you, hoping I’d learn your secrets.”
That glitter turns into a wicked grin. “Don’t look so surprised.”
“But you haven’t broken the seal on your powers, have you?” I challenge. “Otherwise, you’d haveflickeredus out of the stables.”
He grinds his teeth, clenching his jaw.
His reaction tells me I’m right. Something different happened with Styx. Maybe it has something to do with being turned to stone. I have to tell the others. My hand grips the doorknob when something else occurs to me.
The Nightmares were rounded up so fast it surprised Legion. I glimpsed a Nightmare in the woods but then realized it was only Styx doing a perimeter sweep.
“Styx is at the end of your hive’s chain of command.” Disappointment leaks from my eyes. “Legion said he was a bad leader once, so he’s vowing to put his happiness last to prove you all can trust him. But you—youknowStyx is afraid of you. He holds no power where all of you are concerned, and instead of making him feel safe, you used him to betray us. You’re as bad as the queens who manipulated you.”
I must hit a chord because he has no reply. Shaking my head, I turn the doorknob.
“I should warn you,” Emrys says. “It will hurt less if you stay and fuck me.”
“You think you’re the only one who’s made friends with pain?” I growl. He opens his mouth to speak, but I continue. “I’ve had to kill my friends. I’ve had to kill strangers. I’ve had to kill animals. A madman manipulated me. I’ve watched innocent people be murdered because of me. I raised an army of the dead. My magic was stripped and then used to curse me. I watched my aunt—a victim of cruelty—sacrifice herself for me. I watched the look in my parents’ eyes change from love to pity to helplessness. I watched my only friend, my protector, jump before a Wellhound to save me and die. I watched the blood of my new friend cool because I was too late to save him from a cruel world I summoned.” My throat closes up. Tears burn my eyes. My next words are a harsh whisper. “Since I started going into heat, I’ve been stifling my urges because I’m different. And that made me feel so alone. Not once have I let someone elsetouch me to ease the agony. Not once have I felt safe enough to explore these desires until you—and we were surrounded by Nightmares!”
“Willow—”
“I’m not done!” I am shouting now. Shaking and blind with tears and rage. “I watched Fox sacrifice himself, become stone, toprotectme. Because you lied about this! Pain comes in all shapes and sizes, Emrys. Anything you want to throw at me, I can take.”
I fling open the door and charge into the hurricane.
Chapter 56
Bodin
It has been two hours since StyxflickeredWillow away, and I remain consumed with thoughts of her. I pace the tent, my muscles tense with the need to act. Every moment she is gone feels like a failure on my part. I should be there, protecting her . . . seeing to her needs. My eyes flutter when I recall her scent, heady and intoxicating. I want to consume it, to soak in it. But I’m here, useless, waiting for word. The urge to take control, to do something, anything, is almost overwhelming.
“Stop pacing,” Legion mutters, eyes roving over papers on his desk. “Sit down.”
