Page 21 of The Sinner and the Gunslinger
“Wes, come on. It’s a bit of a stretch.”
“I don’t think so. Thea doesn’t either. Look, I know you have secrets.” His eyes narrow. “And that Leila’s somehow involved, so is it too much of a stretch to think you shared something special with her that can be rekindled? I mean, I’ve seen how you look at her when you think she’s not watching.”
My heart lurches, begging me to confess and finally share this burden. But all I can manage is, “Aside from the fact one of those men in the church has taken a vow of celibacy, and the other could be a eunuch for all we know, Leila would rather murder me than love me.”
“That celibacy vow was fashioned in a medieval institution based on scripture missing the vital truth in Mary’s gospel. Jesus wasmarriedto her... literally in the biblical sense.” He takes a breath, holds it, then exhales. “You know, priests weren’t always celibate. Popes were married with children. This vow arose from the need to control funds entering and leaving the church. If priests brought in funds through their parish, and they could marry, then the church had to disperse those funds back to their families and sons. Do you understand where I’m going with this?”
My lips curve. “I understand you’re a nerd. How you pulled that badass babe is beyond me.”
He rolls his eyes, but I can see he’s proud of Thea. And the fact she’s with him. His eyes sparkle with emotion. I don’t know what it is, but I know I want it. And I know it’s when he’s thinking of Thea.
Wes came into my life when I needed him most. I trust him more than any other person. A tiny kernel of hope flares in my chest. Maybe it’s not the end for Leila and me. Maybe we can salvage what we had. My fingers roll across the charred bracelet in my right pocket.
How does one begin to make up for the kind of mistake I made?
“I’m not talking about a quick fix, Zeke. I’m talking about a lifelong love.”
I think about Leila’s avoidance of me, the unscrupulous tasks she’s been asked to do, and the coldness in her eyes. I don’t even know if any part of the girl I knew and loved still exists or if she’s just a seductive killing machine with no morals.
“Do the other Sinners know about this?” I ask hesitantly. “Or is it just Thea?”
“Just Thea. Those women are as stubborn as Cisco and Dom. They’ve been hurt, used, and abused. We’re far from convincing them we’re a safe bet.”
“But you believe I can make it work with Leila,” I venture slowly.
“Thea and I can be dismissed as a one-off. But if two of us pair with Sinners, it will convince Cisco and Dom that building this bridge is key to stopping the apocalypse,” he confirms.
“Are you trying to force the prophecy?” I narrow my eyes.
He chuckles. “I don’t need to do that. I’m just saying, don’t run from it.”
“I don’t know...”
“Can you at least try to have an open mind?”
I pull the bracelet out of my pocket and stare at the lake. I can’t keep this all to myself for much longer.
“She was like a sister to me, Wes. For years, we were together in the group home where the rejects went. She was so eager to get out of there and find a home. I honestly didn’t give a shit if anyone adopted me. All I cared about was keeping her safe. Occasionally, she was fostered out but always came back. What you said about demons in our pasts—I think one followed her. I worried it would get her like it did my sister so I left. The last I checked on her, I thought she was dead. Turns out, it was about the same time she came here.”
“You still think of her as a sister?”
Sharp laughter barks out of me. “Have youseenher? She’s... she’s so...”
He sighs and casts a dreamy look at the lake. “Yeah, I know.”
I tense. “What?”
“I feel the same way about Thea,” he explains, still with a faint smile on his lips. “My heart stops, and my brain can’t function around her.”
Thea. Not Leila. Yeah, of course, he was talking about Thea. I shake my head and force my fingers to uncurl and relax.
“You get like that with Leila?” he asks warily. “Or is she still like a...”
“My dick gets hard when I’m within ten feet of her, so no. I don’t think of her like a sister. Not in the slightest.”
“Just say she’s beautiful,” Wes scoffs. “No need to be uncouth.”
“I’m serious.” I shove the bracelet back into my pocket and pull out a crumpled cigarette. “I can be walking down a hallway when suddenly my dick turns to fucking steel. Two seconds later, Leila walks around the corner. It’s like a radar. I think my body knew who she was before my brain did. Admit it. You get the same.”
