Page 79 of Pride
“Come on.” Alice sighed and took him inside.
Every step he made across the plush carpeted lobby lifted the hairs on his arms. There was a vibe about this place, and he couldn’t put his finger on it. It was more than the vintage architecture and creepy oil portraits of female saints on the walls. A smell permeated the air… musky, like incense, candle wax and old, dangerous things. He felt watched, despite the late night hour and deserted hallways.
Up a creaky staircase, Alice guided Parker through a corridor flanked by doors on either side. Living quarters, he realized. She stopped beside a door on the far left and stared at him.
“This is my cell,” she said in monotone and then limply gestured to the doors. “The other Sinners live there.”
A monastic cell… This had been her home for decades? This little room? He glanced up and down the hallway, expecting to see someone lurking, but they were alone.
“Curfew was a few hours ago,” she explained. “Prudence is being looked after. If I’m not in the chapel, I should be in my room.”
She opened the door to a tiny room. The cot was made with clean bedding. Facing a wall was a polished cedar pew, big enough for one. Next to it was an old record player with a small stack of jazz on vinyl. A window overlooked the midnight gardens. During the day it would be a visual feast, but all he could see was the tiny table next to the bed, scattered with torture devices. A small ropy whip with knotted tails, spiked chain cilices, a sponge with metal studs, rosary beads, and a Bible. No, not the Bible—he read the gilded title and tensed.The Raccolta. A Prayer book.
Alice winced as he picked up the whip and counted the tails. Seven.
“They represent the seven deadly sins,” she explained, shutting the door so their voices wouldn’t carry. “It’s called a discipline.”
He put it down and then touched the spiked metal rings.
“They’re chain cilices. They go around the thigh.”
They were fucking torture devices, as far as he was concerned.
“You disapprove,” she said. “But mortification of the flesh rituals are as old as the Bible. Jesus invites all Christians to help him carry the cross, but we Sinners have a heavier load to bear, especially if we want the kind of absolution that frees our souls. We repent the sins of the flesh so the spirit may be sanctified.”
“Mary never did this,” he gritted out. “You shouldn’t have to punish yourself.”
“Forget it.” She took the chains from him. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“I understand plenty.” Fury blinded him. “I understand that you’ve been brainwashed into believing you’re so inherently evil that the only way your soul will be saved is if you physically suffer. I understand that you believe you’re going to Hell, but still strive for forgiveness. I understand that it’s not through your own choice that you are this way. And I know—”
“You know nothing!” she snapped, eyes bright like the heavens.
He opened his mouth to continue, but she beat him to it.
“I don’t need another person disappointed with me, Parker,” she said, the fire leaving her voice. “Please. Not from you too.”
“Alice… I’m not disappointed in you, but them. The system. The pressure they put on you. Theliesthey tell you about yourself.”
“They’re not lies, Parker. You of all people should understand that. Ihavesinned. Iamgoing to Hell. There’s no sugar coating it. Excuses or blame don’t work here. The only thing that does work are prayers for forgiveness.”
He ground his teeth so hard it stirred the primal part within, filling him with an obsessive need to protect his mate, even from the bite of false beliefs. Where was the woman who’d trusted him enough to come undone in his ropes? Why couldn’t she see the truth in his eyes when he told her… but he hadn’t, had he? He hadn’t told her how beautiful she was, not beyond words. Or how proud of her he was, or how smitten, how aroused he felt every time he looked at her. How… comforted.
How hopelessly in love.
So he held up his wrist and showed her the tattoo. Since they’d left the plane a few hours ago, he’d not touched her once. It showed. Her eyes went sad as she took in the almost dark Yin-Yang symbol.
“You need me to touch you,” she said, and offered her hand.
“No, Alice. I’m showing you how proud of you I am. So much that it fills me every minute of the day to the brink and I spill over and reach for your calming touch. Don’t you understand?”
She lifted her chin, the eternal warrior. “All I’m doing is being near you, Parker. I’m not actuallydoinganything.”
He grazed his knuckles along her cheek and felt the sin ease from his body like an exhale. “My darling Alice. All you need to do is exist and I’m falling into you. Falling in love with you.”
Glistening eyes searched his face, still not comprehending.
“You’re a miracle, Alice,” he said. “Not a sin. Not evil. Not anything but pure perfection.”
