Page 18 of Lust
Liza knew her mother felt the pinch of that guilt daily. She also knew that it was a fool’s errand to feel regret over it. If Mary hadn’t made that choice, there would be eight doomed Lazarus souls, not one. Because of that choice, Liza had lived a fairly normal childhood. She’d met Joe. She knew what hope was.
“If there is no hope,” Liza continued, “then how will we save Daisy?”
Mary took Liza’s hand in silence and gripped hard. Together, they stared at Christ on the cross. Catholicism said he’d hung there for three days. Did he have hope? Apparently so. But it also said he rose from the dead three days later and ascended into Heaven. That was bullshit if she’d ever heard it.
Liza’s throat closed up. “You know, Daisy used to make me hug her every morning.”
Mary nodded with a half-smile. “I remember she made everyone hug her. Even grumpy Sister Josephine.”
Liza let go of Mary’s hand and shoved it away. “She started every day with hope, and yet it was hope that led to her downfall. And the worst part is I want to blame someone—Gloria, the Syndicate, God—but I can’t. It is what it is. Hope, despair. Lust, love, fucking chastity, or indifference—whichever it is. Eventually, I’ll succumb, just like Daisy.” She slid bitter eyes toward her mother. “How can you come here andprayfor that?”
A hardness came over Mary. “You’re mixing love and lust. They’re not the same thing.”
“I know that,” Liza scoffed. “But they’re two roads leading to the same end.”
“One road is shorter. Lust is a sprint. Love is a marathon.” Mary sighed. “We’re all going to die one day, Liza. Wouldn’t you rather take the long road? The one that made you happy? There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God I chose the right path.”
All the fight left Liza’s body. Her next words came out a trembled mess. “What kind of god would do this to someone? I’m hideous. I finally find my mate, and I find out that it’s someone I’ve known half my life. Someone who may have loved me once, but years of rejection and snide insults have turned him away from me. He’s disgusted by me at the same time as being attracted to me.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“It is.”
“Liza, you’ve always been hard on the outside, but soft in the middle. Once you show him some of that gooey center, he’ll come round.”
“He’s FBI, Mama. He will never agree with what we do.”
“Joey?” Mary’s eyes widened.
Liza nodded. “You know what they drill into them at Quantico. They don’t condone the actions of those who use dishonest or unethical means, no matter what. It’s in their damn motto. Fidelity, bravery, and integrity. There’s no way he’ll approve of my true self.”
Mary’s gaze turned thoughtful. “I wish I could take your pain away,mija. All I can say is that Gloria hasn’t gone wrong yet. Five of your siblings have found love. You just need to have a little—”
“Hope?” Liza laughed bitterly.
“I was going to say, faith. In yourself. In Joe.”
Liza’s hand went to the baseball in her pocket.
Mary checked over her shoulder, and then asked, “What’s your power?”
Liza shrugged. “All I know is that yellow mist came out of my hands. I swiped at a rat, and the next minute, it was dead.”
More than one rat.
Mary scrutinized Liza’s face. Her gaze snagged on the corner of Liza’s mouth. “You have yellow stains on your lips too.”
The room spun. Liza leaned forward, elbows on knees. If her gut instinct was right, then the yellow mist was poison. If she could kill people with a touch, or a kiss, who knew how destructive she could be if unbalanced. That blackout with the trafficker was nothing compared to her full unlocked potential.
Mary stood and held out her hand, then saw the yellow, and drew her hand back. “We need to speak with Parker.”
She was probably right. Even if he knew it, and was an arrogant asshat, Parker was as much a genius as the woman who’d created them—their biological mother. He’d been sitting on Gloria’s original encrypted laptop for years, claiming to almost have it unlocked. All of them had long suspected he’d actually done it, but kept it from them. There must be a good reason. It was time to go and see what that reason was.
Half the lights switched off and the cathedral turned an eery dark.
“Closing time,” Liza noted.
Together, they went down the aisle and headed toward the exit. Just before Liza reached for the big door, it opened. Both Mary and Liza tensed, senses coming alert. Liza’s hand hovered over her hip but realized her gun was back at the station.
