Page 47 of Gluttony
With each passing minute, Tony grew more twitchy, more agitated, and she couldn’t help hearing his last words to her.I don’t want you to see me like this.
He was ashamed of who he was. Tears burned her eyelids. She sniffed. Everyone wanted a piece of Tony Lazarus, but he’d not even been on a real date. He’d never shared his true self with anyone, until her, until this morning. And she’d only just learned his truth. Maybe he didn’t know who he wanted to be either. Wiping her eyes, she pushed his heavy body to one side of the gurney, and then climbed on next to him. The moment she laid down and entwined her body with his, he tensed, but she didn’t stop. She slid her arm over his front, hooked her leg over his, pressed her lips onto his hot neck, right beneath his ear, and whispered, “I see you Tony Lazarus. I see the real you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
He shuddered. His lashes fluttered, but didn’t open.
“You make people laugh. You entertain them. You take time with your fans, and even with those who aren’t. You make troubled teens feel better about themselves. You put yourself in danger to save—”
Tony’s hand wrapped around her palm and gripped tight. He was still tense all over, muscles hard as a rock, but he turned to face her and opened his glazed, fevered eyes.
“You can’t be here,” he said, voice scratchy. “I can’t control this thing inside of me.”
“Yes, you can.”
He shook his head.
“Parker was right. You’re so damn stubborn.” She leaned up to get a better view of his face. “You went to rehab, right?”
He nodded, confused.
“What’s the first step of AA?”
She saw in his eyes when it dawned on him. “Acknowledge and accept,” he answered.
“That’s right. This is happening. This isyou. And that’s okay.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. His lips flattened.
“Shh,” she crooned and nuzzled into his neck. He was so hot, like lava, but she kept herself there. “It’s okay. This is you, and this new power isn’t going anywhere. Neither am I.”
They held each other until bit by bit, his breathing grew steady, but the heat was still there. He still hadn’t let go.
“You’re going to have to release that blue fire, Tony,” she whispered. “You have to accept it as part of you.”
“I’ll ruin you.”
Her breath hitched at his words, and goosebumps erupted over her flesh. Those were the exact same words she’d used to stop drinking herself into oblivion, from falling off the cliff. Every time she’d had a rough day, she’d make her Cosmo and stare at it, telling the drink,You won’t ruin me.
That’s how he saw himself, as the thing that people were addicted to, the poison, the destruction. It was fucked up. And it was cruel. She exhaled slowly. This had been a long time coming, but she had some things of her own to accept too.
“I was ruined a long time ago, Tony, and I pulled myself back together. I made a life for myself, and now I’m here.” She rolled on top of him, not caring if anyone watched through the viewing window. She only had eyes for the blue, sparkling seas of vulnerability staring back at her. There was only one way she knew to get him out of his own head. The last time she’d kissed, she’d been disgusted with her feelings for him and he’d seen it. She’d wiped her mouth. But he wasn’t the man she’d thought. She’d been wrong to do that. Sliding her fingers into his damp hair, she tugged until the message was clear. This was important. Listen now.
“I’ve seen ruin, Tony, and you’re not it.”
She lowered her lips to his in a slow, passionate kiss. At first, he stilled, but when she refused to give up, he acquiesced. His tongue darted out, tasted her lower lip and then bit into the plump flesh. An anguished groan released from his throat, as though he held back the floodgates.
She whispered, “Let it go, Tony. Accept.”
Kiss by kiss, his body softened beneath hers. His hands moved to her hips, bottom, thighs, and roamed. Light leaked from his veins, but she wasn’t afraid. He was distracted, licking and tasting her mouth, pushing his tongue in with new demands. From the corner of her eyes, blue glittered over the dim room—beneath her, around her, above her—as though he were a living firework, or they were underwater. She couldn’t decide. She was either about to combust in his heat, or drown in his sweet, salty scent that made her heady with desire. Tiny sparks of his power shot into her body, but it was more like the burn of embers than a maelstrom of flames. It pinched, tickled and sizzled with sensation.
“You’re beautiful,” she breathed, taking in his wonder. Horrifically beautiful were the actual words bouncing around in her head and she couldn’t look away.
Drugged eyes latched onto hers and then shifted to take in the celestial room. Everywhere they turned, luminescent blue reflected and danced off the metallic medical instruments, the monitor, the glass widow. The sterilizing canisters. The shiny tiled floor. Chrome trims on faucets. He slid his gaze back to her. Whatever he saw in her eyes, it must have been enough. A slow, smug smile curved his sensuous lips, and then he flipped their bodies, as though she weighed a breath. He growled when he took in her yoga top, now riddled with holes. Poking a finger through one, he lifted her shirt and smoothed her hot skin. The bioluminescent lines of his body faded, but she didn’t think he was repressing his power. It seemed spent.
“Hey.” She pulled his head back to hers. “I think you did it. You let it go bit by bit. I’m fine.”
His eyes glazed again, and he swayed.
“But you’re not,” she added.
